I’ve been thinking a lot about my last post and my 500 day milestone. When I asked Tripp to lock me, the intent was for him to decide when I would be caged and when I would not be. I thought we might make a game of it. I love being locked though, so being unlocked is more of a punishment, which is the opposite of what many chastity players seem to think (at least based on my extensive Twitter research). The idea was for him to decide when to lock me. He initially thought he would give me “releases” from the cage, but that never happened. I don’t need them or want them, and in his heart, Tripp wants to please me. I sometimes think it’s the sub in him still conforming to what the Dom in me wants.
What did happen very quickly was we reconnected sexually. I used to spend an inordinate amount of time jerking off and the cage put an immediate stop to that. I jerked two or three times a day. It forced us to face the problems we were having regarding his body’s refusal to accommodate our previous sex life because now I was hot and bothered for him like when we first met. (Sounds a bit Dom, doesn’t it?).
It also helped me open up, because not only did we finally talk about my desire to be caged, but we talked about my desires for him to dominate me and to hurt and abuse me. He never used to beat my balls, spank me, or twist my nips. I think one of the reasons I liked to play with others was to get that itch scratched, because Tripp didn’t do that. However, looking back, I never told him I wanted that. I thought about it, and dreamed about it, and was disappointed that it didn’t happen, but I never gave him the chance to do it. It’s hard for me to talk openly about my desires. I get embarrassed, and I thought he wouldn’t want to do that to me. I was his Dom and I thought he would think less of me if I wanted it. I was always locked for Sir, but never for Tripp.
The first episode of orgasm denial was entirely Tripp’s idea. The longer intervals were mine, if I am being completely honest. I had to beg him not to let me come. I wonder if I’m still being a Dom forcing my idea of what chastity should be on him or am I just encouraging him to be more aggressive? He didn’t have any ideas before we started, because he had never considered it. I’m guessing a lot of chaste men are in the same boat.
In the end, we are just two kink-minded people finding our way as we age and our bodies change. Our relationship is stronger than ever and I guess it doesn’t matter what we label ourselves. Whether I am a dommish sub or a subby Dom, I suppose it’s working and I have learned that being open about my desires is a good thing. Sex is important, but communication is even more so.
-Doc (Locked day 507)