I’ve come out twice in my life. First, as a gay man, and second as a caged one. Both felt very much the same. I dealt with the same fear of rejection both times. I had the same fears that those I love would not love me anymore. I had the same sense of relief and freedom after I did it.
You can deny your true feelings for quite a long time. I denied my attraction to men for years. I had my first sexual encounter with a man at 19, and I still wouldn’t admit I was gay to myself for several more years and to anyone else until I was 25. In contrast, my first sexual experience was with a woman at 16. It was also my only sexual experience with a woman. We are friends to this day, and I tell her she made me gay (she knows I’m joking. She was actually the first person I came out to).
I wanted to be locked for a very long time. But just like my homosexuality, I denied my desires for chastity for many years. But like most things that are an inherent part of you, eventually the need to be yourself overpowers the desire to deny yourself what you think is somehow wrong. It was my discovery of chastity blogs and websites and the realization that I was far from the only person who felt this way that finally catalyzed me to action.
I first discovered chastity devices shortly after the internet arrived. I also discovered how much I liked them and wanted one. I self locked on occasion for many years, but kept it to myself. I was in the chastity closet. Sir was the first person to actually lock me, but it was only for a few hours or a few days at a time. I think my longest was at Folsom weekend with Sir many years ago, but it was enough to know that I desired more of it. I just hadn’t admitted it. I came out to Tripp as a caged man only a little less than 2 years ago. I’ve discussed the reasons already.
If the internet had been around and gay men were out when I was young, I think I would have come to terms with my sexuality much sooner. It certainly had that effect on my chasti-sexuality. In many ways, the internet has become a place for foul behavior, ignorance, and general nonsense, but it also allows young isolated gay men (or anyone not considered “normal” for that matter) to find support and community. Just realizing you’re not alone is powerful. In many ways, @ThumperMN, @DualDrew, @Taomlin, and @cagedlion are the grandfathers of this little blog. Thanks gentlemen for being guiding lights to me. You gave me the courage to come out caged, and the inspiration to share the weird workings of my mind with everyone else.