I find myself in a strange place. I’m actually thinking about wanting to unlock and use my cock. That was something I assumed would happen 2 years ago when I started this journey, but have thought off the table for quite some time, and it’s because I wanted it that way.
As I’ve progressed along in my life as a caged man, I’ve more and more identified as just that, caged. It’s become a part of my psychology. I don’t see myself without a titanium dick. That’s just not who I am anymore. It was a natural progression. Sir doesn’t have any use for my cock, other than to torment it, and Tripp wants me caged and doesn’t really want to be fucked anymore. I was ecstatic when Tripp finally decided that I wasn’t going to have uncaged orgasms anymore. Sir had always been that way.
Not so long ago, this would be a non-issue. I could ask to be unlocked if I wanted to use my cock with someone. I needed permission to do so, but it was never not an option. It was me who wanted it taken off the table, and Tripp who was rather wickedly happy to play along. I pushed Tripp, if I’m honest with myself, to make me permanently locked. I wanted, and still want it that way, because that’s who I am now. But recent events have me questioning how I view myself.
It’s more than my Dominant side expressing itself. I can be a caged Top. It’s more of a primal urge to spread my DNA into a boy I find incredibly desirable, and I feel conflicted. I realize that fucking him won’t alter my status. I can be unlocked for a bit and go right back into my cage. The world will not end because if it. It’s more of a questioning of how I view myself. If Tripp wants to unlock me to fuck him, he would unlock me and we’d fuck, no questions asked. It’s his cock to do with as he wishes.
That’s the heart of the conflict. It’s not my cock, and yet I am feeling a desire that I haven’t felt in quite some time. And it’s not that I just want to fuck, because that situation has presented itself before and I had no qualms about my cock staying securely in its cage. I’m also having no doubts about my desire to be caged. I’m just conflicted about how strong my desire to mark this one particular boy is. It’s got me questioning my view of myself and how I want my chastity experience to be. I can’t help comparing myself to my heros/friends, but that’s a false comparison. Everyone’s journey is their own. I’m not a complete sub like Thumper and I’m not quite so ready to freely lock and unlock as Drew. Yet, I somehow feel that the desire I feel is wrong. I guess I’m feeling guilty about wanting to inseminate the pup, but also feeling an incredible desire to do just that. Sir gave me an out, which honestly I can live with. I suppose I didn’t want the option, because now it’s on me again.
I don’t have to decide now. I’m going to let it sit with me for a while. I’m not going to see the pup for a few weeks yet. Normally, I wouldn’t even have the keys, but the cage the pup is getting put on him comes with a key that also happens to open mine. Do I consider it a loss of self control or just a natural part of my chastity experience? I wish I knew.