There have been several times in my life where everything seems to align and somehow, something in the universe seems to take over. I remember them vividly. They don’t seem to happen very often and I can’t explain them, other than there seems to be some touch of the divine involved.
I was a musician from the age of 6. I was fairly good. There was a group of us that always ended up in the same competitions and at the same auditions. I was typically in the middle of the pack. Solid, reliable but never outstanding, neither great nor bad, like the perennial bronze medalist. I always placed right in the middle of the same group of about 10 fellow musicians every single time, which was fine. However, one competition was very different. I don’t know how it happened, but as I sat in the auditorium in front of the judges and the audience and placed my bow to the strings, something magical occurred. The sounds I produced were unlike anything I had done before. I couldn’t make a mistake or even a little wobble or squeak. For that one moment, I was YoYo fucking Ma, and I gave what has to be the best performance of my entire life. The audience disappeared, as did the judges, and I was just alone with the universe, sending music out to the heavens. I was playing, but it wasn’t me who was playing, or at least not me alone. I won that competition. I won it by a lot. I beat people who were older, more experienced, and quite frankly better than me. I knew I could play, but I didn’t know I could play like that. It was magical. After I started my doctoral training, I stopped playing and practicing as I didn’t really have the time anymore. I can still bang out a tune, but nothing like I could when I was younger.
It happened again once during the championship of the gay bowling league my then lover and I were in in Sacramento. Again, I was a solid bowler, never great, never bad. My lover and I were on different teams and we were competing for first place in the finals. Again, something in the universe took over my arm, and I bowled my first 700 scratch series. In fact, I almost had a perfect game. I had 11 strikes in a row, and then left 1 pin on my 12th ball. I threw 3 games at least 100 points above my average, and right at the perfect time. I still have that trophy.
Most of my moments though have come from bdsm. I think one of the reason people are so into bdsm is that once you have an experience like that, you keep chasing it again, and it happens more reliably. The most memorable was a whipping I received. It started out as a flogging, and as I got more and more into it, I started to leave my body. Sir switched from a flogger to a single tale and began to tenderize my back. I don’t remember the lashes. I just remember the intense feelings of pleasure and being alone with the universe again. Maybe it was an endorphin high, but it was absolutely a religious experience. My scenes don’t always go there, in fact they rarely do, but when they do, it’s truly like touching god. I was left bloodied and flayed, but I could not have cared less about the physical. I had spent what felt like hours floating somewhere else, at peace, and at one with the mystical.
I had something very similar the other night. I was texting with Alpha. It started out as a typical checking in text. Somehow, it moved into more of an erotic Master/slave dynamic on SMS. Pretty soon, I was starting to feel that overwhelming feeling of losing myself to the universe again. I begged to be plugged. I beat my balls for him repeatedly. I was so hot and bothered, and again the world disappeared for a while. I’ve never had this happen over a text, but something sure did happen. I was in some of the deepest sub-space I have been in for quite some time. I would have done anything he asked. I think the trust level has gotten to the point where the fear of giving in is mostly gone. While he wasn’t physically there, he was mentally for me. Perhaps the isolation we have all felt this past year has left me open to experiencing that Zen in new ways. Whatever the reason, I was grateful to have had the experience again.
Stay well and stay safe,