What is it about cum that is so inherently fascinating to me? Why do I crave it so much? There’s something magical about it, something I can’t define.
I’m not talking about my own cum, which while associated with many pleasurable events, isn’t any more exciting to me than my spit. I’m talking about Sir’s cum. It’s powerful, and my need to have it in me is strong and deep.
It’s definitely a reward. As a sub, making your Sir cum is knowing you’ve done your job well. It’s more than that though, because where he cums is more important (to me) than when and how. I want him to cum in me. I want his seed inside my guts, and while I love the taste of his cum. or seeing him cover my cage with it, having him deposit it in me is far more desirable.
Perhaps it’s the fact that penetrative sex is far more intimate. A cock in my mouth is nice, but I’ve had lots of things in my mouth. Stuff is supposed to go in there. Starting from your first day on this earth, you put stuff in your mouth. But other than the old fashioned Mercury and glass rectal thermometers my mother used, nothing really ever went in my butt. I didn’t even contemplate that until I was past puberty. Fucking, and to some extent, really good kissing, are just incredibly intimate acts. Men are “supposed” to be the penetrators, not the penetrated. . At least, that’s what was indoctrinated into me when I was a teenager.
I also think it has something to do with the fact that for the major part of my sex life, cum was taboo. I came of age during the height of the AIDS crisis, and people were dying every day. Everything was “safe sex” and nothing went in my ass that wasn’t latex wrapped. So, it was always forbidden fruit. No matter how bad you might want it, you couldn’t have it, unless you enjoy playing Russian Roulette, which I absolutely do not. There is undoubtedly a difference between fucking and breeding.
My being locked and denied plays into this as well, as he can come as often as he wants, and I can’t. But that’s a different power exchange. Still, it plays a part for sure. I’d feel this way locked or not, though.
I think for subs (at least this sub), having a man penetrate you and ejaculate in you is the ultimate form of submission. It’s hard to describe what I feel when I see his face starting to scrunch, feel his thrusts getting faster, his stokes going deeper and deeper until he explodes in me. It’s akin to a religious experience to be honest. It’s the most exquisite power exchange I know. It wasn’t until Prep came along that it was possible, but now that it is, I crave it. Giving a hole that stuff is only supposed to come out of to someone to use for their pleasure and to put their stuff into is mind-blowing for me. Never mind how amazing it feels (which it does), I’d want to do it for him even if it didn’t. The fact that he fucks like a machine doesn’t hurt either.
There are delights having his cum any way: down my throat, on my face or body, on my cage particularly, licking it off his boots, etc. but nothing comes close to being bred by him. It’s what makes me feel I am truly his boy.