The title of this post came to me tonight when I realized it had several meanings. Something happened that seemed so ordinary to me that I didn’t give it a second thought, until I did, and then I gave it quite a lot of thought. As you know, my kink desires have been cresting lately. Tonight, as I write this, I am having an epic bout of horniness, with my cage so pressurized that it has become one with the flesh underneath it. There isn’t an atom of space between flesh and titanium, the base ring is squeezing hard, and my balls are swollen. I’ve been having some intense kink conversations with a few men, and just saw one of the most sexy videos I think I have ever seen. In the past (pre-lock), I would have probably jerked off several times already. I am so horny, so hard, and need a release so badly, but my cock isn’t what I went for. I haven’t cum in more than 200 days, and I am having a moment where I have an overwhelming desire to feel pleasure, and my first thought (and my first deed) was to grab the largest dildo I can take and fuck myself. I fucked my hole and worked my prostate until I felt some relief and thoroughly milked myself. No orgasm, but fairly satisfying just the same. I would have preferred an actual cock, but one isn’t available just now. When I finished some 20 minutes later, I put my largest plug in, where it remains. I’m thinking of leaving it in all night, because I need to.
Somewhere along the line, a switch in my brain has flipped my pleasure center from my cock to my ass. As horny as I am (and I am), my instinct is the need to have my ass filled. I didn’t once think about my cock, per se. Just the intense pressure of my massive hard on constrained to the 4 inches of my cage driving me, without conscious thought, to the drawer where my dildos are and my reaching for the largest one there. I don’t exactly know when this happened, but happen it did. The hornier I am, the more I need my hole filled. My cock wasn’t even a consideration. It’s just not what my brain associates with sexual pleasure and release. It’s why I have no problem with the idea of not having a penile orgasm, because I just don’t think about sex that way anymore.
The other aspect is that for the past few years, I’ve considered myself a switch, sexually. Actually, I considered myself a Top with a sub side that needed to be scratched now and again, and over time came to consider myself much more of a switch. I’ve had many conversations with fellow kinksters who all told me, over and over, that I’m a switch and just needed to admit it. Eventually I realized they were right. But that’s been flipped as well, because if I am totally honest with myself, I don’t feel that desire to be anything but submissive. The switch has been flipped to a sub. A sub with a very hungry hole and a strong desire to please. My greatest desire is to be taken deep, deep into subspace where I can just let go. While the term has always been kind of loaded for me, due to severe teasing, the idea of being a faggot is something I’m starting to strongly identify with (as in the modern, homo usage, not the middle school bully usage). I just want to tell the world that I’m a locked fag, a sub, a slave, an object perhaps at times. Is every Dom desire gone? Probably not, but they do seem dormant at the moment and my sub desires are stronger than ever, and indeed more sub than I ever thought I would be.
While my cock still responds normally to stimuli by getting hard, and when a 7 inch hard cock (not bragging, it just is what it is) is constrained to a 4 inch titanium tube, the feelings will be intense, it’s not my cock that my brain focuses on. That response is almost autonomic. But when I feel it, it’s my ass, and to some degree my nips. that I instinctively reach for. It’s kind of blowing my mind. I didn’t expect this to happen when I started this journey, but I’m honestly happy about it, because it all finally feels right.