After last week’s unbelievable turn of events, I’ve been amazingly lucky to have had an outpouring of support from friends, new and old. I can’t express how grateful I am and how much love I feel. I’m not feeling great about myself, but I’m working on it. I don’t mean only emotionally, though there have been some down moments. I mean physically. I hate the Covid weight I’ve gained, and I hate the physical changes that have happened in the past few very stressful years. Honestly, the bags under my eyes have bags. I did start working out again with a trainer, and it will take some time, but I am motivated to get my body back in shape. I don’t like what I see in the mirror. That’s fixable. Hard work and maybe a little plastic surgery can fix it. The emotional stuff is harder work.
As you know, my butt had been out of commission due to surgery which has been making me sad as that is my major outlet for all sexual tension and frustration. My cock is, as always, off limits. I finally am able to start to play in my hole again. I’ve been able to plug a bit again and work my prostate. It’s where my pleasure center is focused and, honestly, is the core of my submissive self. But it’s still got a bit of a ways to go yet.
It’s also been difficult to have been so unceremoniously dumped by someone who had made it very clear that he owned me, until he didn’t. It took months to get there, and when I did acknowledge his ownership, he rebuffed it. That was major whiplash. I want to be owned. No, I need to be owned, and that’s where a particular group of men have stepped up and “adopted” me. They’ve made me (at least temporarily) a part of their pack, and they’ve made me feel fairly awesome. They’re my foster Doms. I’m not under the illusion that it’s a more permanent thing (though I wish/hope it might someday be) but it is so filling a void right now that’s it’s wonderful. I’m forever grateful to be their “foster” pig/fag/slave for however long it lasts. That’s the amazing thing about the kink community. It’s a brotherhood (especially the gay kink community), and I feel I have an actual true brother in 893 and a fledgling relationship with his Doms who might possibly want to keep things going. His amazing Doms who are truly keeping me sane and surprisingly horny.
893 (he’s owned, and that’s his registry number) and I are spending a weekend together. We plan on some serious debauchery, but we also will have orders from the Alphas to follow. I’ve agreed to surrender myself to them for that time. The pack stepped up when my weekend with ex-sir was cancelled. Seriously, they’re amazing men. I’m not going to refer to the one who dumped me with the honorific. He’s not my Sir and I feel no desire to express any deference to him. Let’s just call him ex.
What’s been amazing is the conversations I’ve had with the group. What was surprising is that Sir Aaron (owner of 893) has even assigned me a temporary registration number. I’m 253, for now, and I’m absofuckinglutely loving it. I’m not under any illusions, but I am loving it and I am going to enjoy it and give Him (and the other Alphas) the respect and service He/They deserve. I can’t tell you how lucky and grateful I am to have met these men.
While I don’t feel old, I am actually old enough to be Sir Aaron’s father. I recently found some pictures of me from the 90’s. Damn, I was hot. I don’t feel that way anymore, but confidence is sexy, and I need to feel confident in myself. I’m stable (emotionally and financially), I’m wickedly funny, I can thrown shade like Rupaul, and I’m a cockwhore. I’ve got a lot to offer. I just need to feel better about myself, and these fine gentlemen are most definitely helping. They seem to see the best qualities in me, at least for now (they haven’t actually met me in person) . Most of my insecurities are in my head, but that was worsened by ex, who made me feel accepted and wanted, and then dumped my ass without an explanation. Not great for someone who’s insecure already. I’m not insecure about most aspects of my life, but I am as a sub. I gave ex everything he could have wanted, and it wasn’t enough. That’s hard. It hurts. But, I do have a lot to offer the right Dom/Doms and I’m not going to hold back. Someone will appreciate the gift I wish to give them. I just need to find the right man/men.
-Doc (aka 253)
The last paragraph… We have some similarities. I’m known for telling young guys who approach me on the apps that I have a leather cockring that’s older than them. I don’t so much throw shade as give side eye, and I’m told I have amazing side eye 👀 and that my wit can cut steel.
And I’m glad 893 and his family are so supportive. I’m already a bit of an accidental psychotherapist on Twitter and don’t need a new client. 😆