Just an Appendage

I was in the middle of writing a post when @thumpermn put up a tweet which, as usual, said what I was trying to say better in a couple of sentences than I was saying in a couple of paragraphs. Damn rabbit. Thumper (being away from Belle) said “I could jack off, but I don’t. I don’t have a penis. I have a device and don’t deserve to act otherwise”, which is very close to what Sir Marc said to me just the other day.

Sir Marc said “The cock attached to your body is only a organ permanently encased in metal used to piss. I never want to see it in it’s flesh form. You have jacked off for the last time. Your cock will never see the inside of a mouth or a butt again. From this day forward your orgasms are prostate-based. Unless I change my mind and that doesn’t seem very likely. You’re a chastity slave”.

He also told me that my former cock was no longer any of my concern. That struck me deep, because it’s true. When your truth is articulated, it’s powerful. When someone acknowledges and validates what you know to be true, it’s both affirming and deeply, existentially impactful.

Prior to Covid, I was in a pretty good place. I was motivated by my Sir, I was working out 3 days a week, had lost several inches on my waist and gained them in my chest, arms, and legs. I was moving forward to how I want to be physically and health wise. I was also moving forward and growing in my submission. Covid was a gut punch. I lost my Sir, I couldn’t go to the gym, I was eating poorly, and I gained weight and lost muscle. I tried to keep up with my workouts at home, but that didn’t last long. In the two years of the pandemic, I had undone the previous several years worth of hard work.

Finally, I got tired of seeing what I looked like in the mirror and feeling like a lump. I found a trainer with a private gym and he has been kicking my ass. I’m proud of myself. I’ve lost 1/2 inch on my gut, and my legs, arms, back, and chest are starting to put some muscle back. I started this before I met Sir Marc, but knowing I have someone owning my device, keeping me focused, and validating my desires has only helped me to work harder. It’s not to please him, although if it does, that’s a bonus, It’s to make me feel good about myself again. Being in a good headspace is definitely helping.

Sir Marc has said a few other things that just make chills run up my spine, but I won’t go into that. Suffice it to say, he certainly seems to have my number. Hopefully, this will continue. I’m very fond of him as a person and I’m extremely happy with how he views being my keyholder. I wish we could spend more time together, but so far, it’s an amazing start to what I hope will be a deeper journey, if he wants to take me there.

I definitely don’t have a penis, I have a metal piss tube. I do get incredibly horny, but I have an appendage for pissing, which doesn’t belong to me. I know, deep in my soul, the truth of those words, and while it’s sometimes a challenge to completely accept it, I have and will live up to his expectations. That part of my life is his to control. He’s not my Master, but he is my keyholder and the owner of whatever you wish to call the titanium tube attached to my balls. Previously, I thought alot about the cock inside the tube. Not that I wanted to use it, but it was a possibility. That made me uncomfortable. The inherent conflict was always on my mind. That has been removed, for which I am grateful.

What I would add to Thumper’s statement is that, yes we don’t deserve to act otherwise, but we do deserve to be locked. It’s a gift to embrace. It’s how we are meant to be, and having that truth acknowledged is everything. We, the locked who can move past the idea that our cocks are there and the temptation to use them, are the few, the proud, the strong subs and those who want us that way are exceptional people. I’m able to take all that sexual energy and redirect it in a positive way to help me achieve my fitness and my life goals. To paraphrase Thumper, that is infinitely better than being horny and not locked up. Fuck, I might even start running again (maybe).


Published by Locked Doc

Middle aged switch reclaiming his kink and exploring Bdsm with both his husband and his Master. Always locked.

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