Faggot

I know my moods swing like crazy, and my desires have serious highs and lows. Right now, I’m definitely in a high kink mode, and I think it’s mainly because I’m finally embracing my inner nature, that of a faggot. Its been an almost 3.5 year journey from Dom Top to get to this point, with twists and turns, much confusion about my feelings and desires, not a small degree of frustration, and an occasional detour, but here I am.

For me, “faggot” and “queer” have been words that are triggering. I was teased mercilessly and bullied throughout middle school with those terms. I hated them. But I see them now, after being taught quite a bit by the younger folks on Twitter, that they are terms of empowerment. While I don’t identify with “queer”, I am strongly attracted the the idea that I am, at my most kinky and submissive, a faggot.

I’m not sure I 100% feel the above definition is quite what I mean, but it’s close. And I don’t mean I want that publicly, but as a main part of any Kink relationship, abso-fucking-lutely.

While my Dom tendencies seem to be in deep hibernation, and my sub/slave desires are in overdrive, I’m embracing the word and the concept. I’m a locked faggot, and I’m proud to be one. If you follow my Twitter feed, you might have noticed it. I’ve been really helped along this journey by a few great guys I follow on Twitter, and I want to give a shout out to boy Jonathan @tattzaddy whose complete comfort with being a fag I truly admire. I’ve never met him, but he’s an inspiration. So, thank you boyJ.

It’s taken me quite some time to admit this to myself, and to accept it. I had the same problem admitting I had sub desires, then slave desires, and the I wasn’t actually satisfied being Dom, even if I was good at it.

Knowing myself as I do. I know this could just be a “phase”, but I don’t think so. It seems more of inevitable progression from where I started to where I was going. The loss of my previous Master/slave relationship made me realize just how important that is to me, and how incomplete I feel without it, and the things I need emotionally as a slave is basically what is described by “faggot”, so yeah, I’m owning it.

-Doc. #lockedfag

Part Deux

I couldn’t sleep last night. Even after 20 minutes of pounding my pussy and draining my prostate, I was still hungry and the cage was still at maximal pressure. Laying in bed, I just tossed and turned. Having four pounds of metal plug in my ass probably didn’t help, but I so wanted to feel my ass full. I just laid in the dark, my mind running to fantasies of being fucked over and over again, as my balls ached and my ass twitched.

Eventually, I gave up trying to sleep and knew I had to do something. I went back to the dildo I had previously used. I worked the plug out and lubed up the dildo, put its head at my ass opening and pushed. Despite having previously milked my prostate dry (I thought I had), I started leaking again. I worked my hole over and over, in and out and back again. I lost track of the time. My horniness was overwhelming.

At the point that my ass was starting to get sore, I began to have a feeling starting in my prostate and working outward to what felt like down deep in my balls. I pounded harder and the feeling got more intense. I got on top of the dildo and rode it so it would go deep. It’s long enough to reach my inner sphincter and when it passes that, the sensations are intense. With the dildo seated at least 10 inches inside me, and the feeling in my nuts growing and growing, I had what has to have been the most intense prostate/ass/whole body orgasm I think I have ever had. It kept getting stronger and stronger until my entire body just exploded. I may have even passed out because the next thing I knew my alarm was going off, I was laying on the bed, the dildo still partially in my ass, my cage covered with dried prostate juice.

I had enough time to clean up and shower, pull the sheets off the bed and throw them in the wash, and give my cage a thorough clean. My cock is still pretty hard today, but it’s much less distracting than it was last night. I think I’ll sleep well tonight.

-Doc

Flipping a Switch

The title of this post came to me tonight when I realized it had several meanings. Something happened that seemed so ordinary to me that I didn’t give it a second thought, until I did, and then I gave it quite a lot of thought. As you know, my kink desires have been cresting lately. Tonight, as I write this, I am having an epic bout of horniness, with my cage so pressurized that it has become one with the flesh underneath it. There isn’t an atom of space between flesh and titanium, the base ring is squeezing hard, and my balls are swollen. I’ve been having some intense kink conversations with a few men, and just saw one of the most sexy videos I think I have ever seen. In the past (pre-lock), I would have probably jerked off several times already. I am so horny, so hard, and need a release so badly, but my cock isn’t what I went for. I haven’t cum in more than 200 days, and I am having a moment where I have an overwhelming desire to feel pleasure, and my first thought (and my first deed) was to grab the largest dildo I can take and fuck myself. I fucked my hole and worked my prostate until I felt some relief and thoroughly milked myself. No orgasm, but fairly satisfying just the same. I would have preferred an actual cock, but one isn’t available just now. When I finished some 20 minutes later, I put my largest plug in, where it remains. I’m thinking of leaving it in all night, because I need to.

Somewhere along the line, a switch in my brain has flipped my pleasure center from my cock to my ass. As horny as I am (and I am), my instinct is the need to have my ass filled. I didn’t once think about my cock, per se. Just the intense pressure of my massive hard on constrained to the 4 inches of my cage driving me, without conscious thought, to the drawer where my dildos are and my reaching for the largest one there. I don’t exactly know when this happened, but happen it did. The hornier I am, the more I need my hole filled. My cock wasn’t even a consideration. It’s just not what my brain associates with sexual pleasure and release. It’s why I have no problem with the idea of not having a penile orgasm, because I just don’t think about sex that way anymore.

The other aspect is that for the past few years, I’ve considered myself a switch, sexually. Actually, I considered myself a Top with a sub side that needed to be scratched now and again, and over time came to consider myself much more of a switch. I’ve had many conversations with fellow kinksters who all told me, over and over, that I’m a switch and just needed to admit it. Eventually I realized they were right. But that’s been flipped as well, because if I am totally honest with myself, I don’t feel that desire to be anything but submissive. The switch has been flipped to a sub. A sub with a very hungry hole and a strong desire to please. My greatest desire is to be taken deep, deep into subspace where I can just let go. While the term has always been kind of loaded for me, due to severe teasing, the idea of being a faggot is something I’m starting to strongly identify with (as in the modern, homo usage, not the middle school bully usage). I just want to tell the world that I’m a locked fag, a sub, a slave, an object perhaps at times. Is every Dom desire gone? Probably not, but they do seem dormant at the moment and my sub desires are stronger than ever, and indeed more sub than I ever thought I would be.

While my cock still responds normally to stimuli by getting hard, and when a 7 inch hard cock (not bragging, it just is what it is) is constrained to a 4 inch titanium tube, the feelings will be intense, it’s not my cock that my brain focuses on. That response is almost autonomic. But when I feel it, it’s my ass, and to some degree my nips. that I instinctively reach for. It’s kind of blowing my mind. I didn’t expect this to happen when I started this journey, but I’m honestly happy about it, because it all finally feels right.

-Doc

The Pouch is Your BFF

Marsupials for the win! Turns out, they had the answer all along. Let me explain. Back when I started chastity (in the Stone Age of the 20th century), you had a choice of 3 basic underwear styles: tighty whiteys, boxer, and banana hammocks (bikini). None of these styles work for caged men. Unless you have a very unusual cage, our cages point down. Other than boxers, underwear forces your cage either to the side or up, which is an incredibly uncomfortable position for the locked man. Boxers, unfortunately, while not forcing your cage into weird positions, basically let you dangle. None of these offer any comfort or support for the locked man. In fact, I’d rather go commando than wear boxers. Guys with PA’s know the feeling as well.

Somewhere along the line, things changed. Enter “the pouch”. They’re mainstream now, but as with most fashion, they started out as something gay men wanted to accentuate their bulge. Straight men caught on too, and now they are everywhere. But for caged males, they’re a godsend. I doubt Men’s underwear designers had locked guys in mind (but hey….maybe they did), but the pouch offers everything we need. Support for the cage so it doesn’t hang too low and make your balls ache, a roomy place for your device to live in an anatomic position, and enough support so you aren’t flapping in the breeze. I think well endowed men and locked men were the market these had to be designed for, not that any other man can’t enjoy them. But if you’re locked, literally the only under gear in your drawer should be pouched

You can get any style from thongs to boxer briefs. I personally prefer thongs and jocks, but to each his own. I mean, thongs offer the added benefit of keeping your plug snug up your ass, so that’s a major plus for me. If you’re locked and aren’t already wearing a pouch, you owe it to yourself. You’ll never wear anything else.

They’re so popular now that even mainstream companies make them. I have a few favorites, but your preference may be different. They’re so common, there are even review websites about them: https://www.irreverentgent.com/best-mens-pouch-underwear/ as one example I ran across.

As chastity becomes more mainstream (a fact I’m thrilled about), I think these designs will just get better, but ever since I switched to the pouch style, I’ve never had a painful locked day from them. I’ve had some painful locked nights, buts that’s a different post. I used to feel either like Trinity the Tuck or like my balls were trapped between my cage and my leg, but no more!

Anyway, that’s my tip for the day. Tell them Doc sent you.

Ebb and Flow

My kink seems to be back on the rise again. Over the last few years, it’s been a series of incredible highs and really depressing lows in my desires. It’s totally understandable with what we’ve all experienced, but I seem to be on an upswing again after basically losing my desires for several months.

I’m kinda jealous of many of my kink friends who seem to have maintained a fairly steady state of horniness. I haven’t. There are numerous reasons, including stress, family issues, work, and a few more things I won’t go into, but after having an incredible bout of kink/horniness/desire this past summer, I just lost interest in anything kink related (or even sex related).

I’m happy to report that my mood seems to have shifted back to wanting and needing kink in my life, although there doesn’t seem to be many opportunities at the moment. I can’t really explain the ebb and flow. It just happens. I never used to be this way. I was generally always up for fun (and ffun, and whatever else you can think of). I don’t think it’s depression, I think it’s just life in the time of Covid. Stress just kills my desires (and my ability to sleep through the night), and it’s a fairly high stress time right now. Still, there seems to be some light here…I’m desiring it again.

The reason I haven’t blogged a lot lately is that there really isn’t anything sexual to blog about. I have some good recipes, but you don’t come here for that (but DM me if you want to know how to make Spam fries).

I try to take inspiration from my friends and my kink heroes, but I just seem to swing from strong desire to absolutely no interest. I wish I understood why. I hope to have some great tales to tell you all in the near future, because that would be fun for both you and me, but I don’t have much at the moment. I’ve also had some significant disappointments in the Master search, which is ultimately disheartening. I think I just really need that Master/slave energy, and I’m not finding it. Trip hasn’t been doing all that well, and getting kinky is rather hard with relatives living with you. I’m a screamer, particularly when it’s really good (lol).

I’m pretty sure the lack of exercise has had a major impact. I’m always horny after a workout, and looking good and feeling good helps. I’ve gotten lazy, and I’ve somehow replaced 20 pounds of muscle with 30 pounds of fat. That’s fixable and I know what I need to do. I’m just not going to the gym anytime soon and my at home workouts have just fallen by the wayside because it’s easy to get in a rut. I don’t have any excuse except laziness and tiredness. I promised myself I will get back into shape over the next few months. I put a lot of work into getting my body fat down and building muscle, and I’m back to square one. Honestly, going to kink events always helped motivate me to keep fit, and there just aren’t any and I’m not going anywhere with large groups of strangers for a while yet. Maybe next year? We can hope.

Anyway, at least my libido seems to be increasing again, and hopefully I will connect with that Master/Top/Dom I need in my life. I’m hopeful, at least.

Be well and stay safe

-Doc

A Year in Review

Well, it’s now 2022, so I guess it’s time for a review of 2021, from the perspective of a locked man, naturally.

I’ve been locked continuously for 1221 days. In all of 2021, I spent less than 12 hours unlocked. I was unlocked for my colonoscopy (oh, joy). I had a few flights at the end of the year, but since I was traveling alone and have Clear, I swapped to my Evotion cage. I went through security just fine each time. I’d say I probably spent about a week in the Evotion, and the rest of my time in my trusty Steelwerks. The Evotion is a nice change of pace, and has such a unique, snug feel that I really enjoy, but it can’t hold a candle to the titanium.

As for orgasms, I had 4 in all of 2021, two came from ball torture and two while being fucked, and most were fairly early in the year. I haven’t cum in the last 195 days. I don’t miss it. I enjoy the denial immensely. I also really enjoy when I do cum from cbt or being fucked. I don’t want to cum any other way. As for being fucked, well readers know I had an amazing few months with a very hot man who subsequently kinda disappeared.

As for my cock being used, well I think you can guess that didn’t happen once. In fact, it hasn’t happened in years, and honestly, it’s pretty unlikely it will ever happen, and I’m totally okay with that. I’m meant to be locked and there’s no going back. I mean, I wouldn’t necessarily say no if the opportunity arose, but I highly doubt I would be particularly good at it anymore. In fact, I find it very hard to get hard unlocked. I’m just wired that way now. The metal around my flesh cock is very much a part of me.

As for the future, I’m really finding the idea of a full belt intriguing. Not that I don’t love the werks, but there’s something about one that speaks to me. I’m seriously considering trying one. I’ve heard mixed things about them, and I doubt it’s a 24/7/365 thing, but maybe for a few days or weeks here and there. I’m not sure, but I do know they turn me on. I think it just feeds into my desire to have minimal access to the fleshy bits. Also, they just look hot.

I think that’s pretty much all the stats. I wish you all a very happy New Year and I sincerely hope 2022 is the year we turn the corner on this virus and start to feel normal again.

-Doc

WN for the WiN

Okay AVgeeks….I never reported on my last fateful flight on WN. I had a meeting near the airport in Vegas. My meeting was supposed to end at 5 pm, so I booked a 7pm flight home. I haven’t had very good luck with flights in the last few months since I started traveling again, but this time was an odd, and profitable, exception. As you know, I’ve been delayed and cancelled every time.

My meeting ended early, and my flight was delayed, giving me 6 unexpected hours to kill. I ubered to the strip and went to one of my favorite hangouts where you get 3 drinks for $10 and everything on the menu is $5. For $15, I had three grey goose martinis and flank steak with potatoes and veg, and still had some time to kill. I wandered to the casino, put $20 in a machine, and….

Yup, with 3 spins, I won $500. Finally, I headed to the airport where I went to the AMEX centurion lounge, had some cookies and 2 more cocktails, and headed to my gate, where my flight was finally ready to take me home.

All in all, I have no complaints. My delay was exceedingly fun and profitable, and I got home safe and sound. Also, Trip picked me up, which is probably for the best, having had 5 cocktails over the past few hours. That’s a WiN!!

-Doc

Freaky

I used to think I was a freak. Kinky, yes, but I knew a lot of kink folks. But being locked? I was the only person I knew who was into that, at least back when I started. Clearly, with social media, my feed is filled chock a block with locked cocks, but back in the beginning, I didn’t know anyone else.

My chastity journey started some almost 30 years ago with Jeremy. He was my second real relationship and my first Daddy. We were young, horny, in love, and had sex all the time, I mean multiple times a day more often than not. Orgasm denial or cock cages weren’t even at the back of my mind. I’d never considered the possibility nor even knew about such things.

Jeremy and I had a weekend planned in San Francisco. I’m pretty sure it was Folsom, but I’m not positive. He suggested (well….let’s just say I did as I was told), that I was not allowed to cum for the week leading up to that weekend. Since he pretty much made me cum daily, it was mostly his self restraint and me not jerking off that was all that was required. I did it, and I was really into it. At a visit to one of the many leather and kink emporiums in SF at the time that weekend, I saw my first, primitive, rather poorly made cock cage. It was around $200, which was a LOT of money back then. I mean, that was groceries for at least two months, and about half my rent. But when we saw it, we knew it was meant for me. That was the first time my cock was locked, and it was abso-fucking-lutely amazing. When Jeremy put me in that cage, I was more turned on than I have ever been.

The cage was absolute crap. It pinched, fit poorly, caused all sorts of issues, and couldn’t be worn for long periods of time, and I loved it. I loved it because Jeremy put me in it, and it was our dirty little secret. But it also sparked feelings in me that I didn’t know existed. I also felt like a freak for liking it so much. I mean, clearly I wasn’t alone as these devices were for sale, but they weren’t very well know and it wasn’t a “thing” yet. I didn’t know anyone else who was locked at that time, and even among our most kinky friends, it was quite the topic of discussion and teasing. Seriously, I’m in gear, collared, on a leash, bare assed in chaps in public, and the thing that made me uncomfortable was that my dick was in a cage. Being ridiculously hot, sexy, cute, with long auburn hair and a banging body with a 28 inch waist and a 7 inch cock didn’t hurt….(you didn’t know me then), but still, I felt extremely weird about my new found kink. Even with a caged dick, I got chased around all the time, but I was uncomfortable about it. I didn’t want people to know.

The internet has really changed the world (in many ways, good and very, very bad), but for kink folks, it’s an amazing resource. It’s not whether or not your locked now, it’s who your locked in (Steelwerks couture, 2020). I may be a freak, but I’m in good company with literally thousands of similar freaks. There’s a comfort in that. It’s celebrated, not questioned, and that is a powerful affirmation for me.

I guess the take home lesson is to embrace your kink. The world might not have quite caught up with you, but it probably will. Hell, I might have been a “influencer” if such a thing existed back then! You do you.

-Doc

Ghosted

Things had been going really well, or so I thought, with handsome Sir. We had apparently hit it off, had some amazing sex, and what I though was a good connection. We had talked and texted and had made plans. We were supposed to go away together for a weekend. And then, radio silence.

The last text I received was “how’s my boy?” which gets me on so many levels. First, he’s thinking about me, second, he puts me into the submissive role, and third, but most importantly, he exerts ownership. How’s. My. Boy. Tight caged, that’s how.

I told him His boy was missing him and looking forward to seeing him soon, and then…..nothing. I’ve texted him a couple of times since, and again, nothing. I’ve been ghosted, I suppose. Not a nice feeling, btw. Maybe a “Life’s gotten crazy” or even an “I’m not feeling it anymore” response would have been courteous. Instead, I’m left with questions. Is he okay? Did something happen? I just don’t know.

Honestly, this is literally the worst thing you can do to someone. Just say you haven’t got time or something else came along. Don’t leave someone hanging and guessing. It’s rather rude.

I’m not telling you this for sympathy. I’m just sharing what’s been happening and hoping that, should you find yourself in a similar situation where maybe you don’t or can’t see someone, just tell them. Man up, for Christ’s sake. I’m not going to throw myself off a cliff over this.

In other news, we are dealing with a family crisis at the moment. I know we are not alone in this, especially 2 years into a pandemic. But, if you’ve got mental health issues, I’m begging you….tell someone before things get so bad that you’re helpless and hopeless. People care, people want to help, and family is family, come what may. I’m really glad this person told me so we could help, but kind of angry that he suffered for so many years and got himself into such a bad place. We would have been able to do so much more. At least I think we have a plan now, at least. It’s hard to admit you need help. It’s hard to admit you’re out of control of things, but you can’t get help if you don’t ask.

It reminds me of that song lyric from Dear Evan Hansen:

Even when the dark comes crashing through
When you need a friend to carry you
And when you’re broken on the ground
You will be found
So let the sun come streaming in
‘Cause you’ll reach up and you’ll rise again
Lift your head and look around
You will be found
You will be found
You will be found
You will be found
You will be found

Please, if you’re struggling, reach out. You will be found.

-Doc

Why Things Are

Welcome to another episode of “fun facts”. As I am nearing my third run-in with airline travel in the last couple of months, the question came to mind as to why aircraft are boarded from the left hand side. One of the things I love, besides gear, cages, and bdsm, is historical trivia, and I’m fascinated by why things are the way they are. As there has not been much going on in the kink world, I thought it might be fun to take a little historical journey (cue music and special effects)

The reason we board from the left has almost nothing to do with aviation, but everything to do with maritime navigation (and one airline, we’ll get to that). First though, you need to be familiar with some nautical jargon. The right side of a ship (when facing towards the front) is the starboard side. The left side is the port side. Got it? Excellent.

The term starboard derives from the Old English steorbord, meaning the side on which the ship is steered. Before ships had rudders on their centerlines, they were steered with a steering oar at the stern of the ship on the right hand side of the ship, because more people are right handed.

Bayeux Tapestry

So, back before centerline rudders, ships were steered from the right and docked (or went into port) on the left, hence “port side”. Once centerline rudders were developed (Han dynasty in China, but didn’t appear in the west until the end of the Middle Ages), ships could dock on either side, but the terms port and starboard stuck. If you’ve ever taken a ship or a cruise, you know you’re just as likely to board from the right as the left. It just depends on which side is easier to get to the dock.

Even though the terms have stuck, there’s no real reason to board an aircraft on the left. All early aircraft had few seats and fewer amenities. Enter Pan American and their great Clipper flying boats. The first airline to offer transoceanic commercial service, Pan Am adopted nautical terms and nautical uniforms (that’s why even today your pilot looks like he’s wearing a naval uniform). Technically, a flying boat is an aircraft, even in the water, but Pan Am adopted naval tradition and always boarded their Clippers from the port side. Following WW2 and the disappearance of the flying boats, the tradition stuck.

It makes sense to board an aircraft from one side and service and load cargo from the other. This is both safer for all involved and far more efficient. However, there’s no real reason that the passengers board on the left and the caterers and cargo board from the right. It’s just tradition, thanks to Pan Am. Airplanes are designed for this. The galleys are always on the right near the doors and the passenger entrance is always on the left. Trillions of dollars of aircraft, airports, jet bridges, and gates have all been designed around boarding on the left, and it all has to do with early helmsmen being predominantly right handed. Kinda cool, no?

Hope you enjoyed reading this. Be well,

-Doc