The Most Wonderful Time of The Year

Cooler weather, leaf peeping. Pumpkin spice everything, and men locking their dicks for 31 days. Yes, it’s Locktober again. I was curious how this started. I couldn’t find any definitive information. It’s unclear to say the least, but I did find several sources that were relatively consistent. Cut to the chaste (great name) summed it up most concisely:

The History Of Locktober

The answer to the question—who created Locktober, remains murky. Many attribute the idea to a Tumblr blogger. Locktober was mentioned in a post on a blog called “Keep Him Locked: A Wife’s Guide to Male Chastity and Cock Cages” in 2017. However, I found a post from 2015 in the forums at orgasmdenial.comabout Locktober. A member posting there using the handle submaleslaveuk seemed to claim credit for the event. Still, there is no definitive answer to who originated the idea of thirty-one straight days locked in chastity during October.

As best as can be ascertained, either 2016 or 2017 seems the first year Locktober was widely observed. So, despite who first coined the term or originated the idea, it seems fair to say that this year will be either the fifth, sixth or seventh annual observance of Locktober.

At this point in my life, Locktober is just another month. I’ve been through 4 of them without unlocking in between, though the first was special. I’ve been into chastity play for ages, but it was August 2018 that I was finally locked for good. I was supposed to be locked through that Locktober to start and was excited to participate. I always thought my kink was rare, niche, and odd. But seeing thousands and thousands of locked cocks was, ironically, liberating. I was never unlocked after that, had no desire to be unlocked, and had 2 men who liked me locked (okay, Trip put up with it at first).

Personally, I’m thrilled to see so many men exploring the kink. Even if it’s only for a month, and even if it’s a needed excuse to do what they really desire, I think it’s fantastic.

Kink should be explored. Finding out what makes us tick is a journey everyone deserves to undertake. What attracts you to being locked won’t be what attracts others most likely, and that’s just fine. It matters that it works for you.

I wish all participants a fantastic Locktober and that all your kink desires are fulfilled. I’ll be there with you, cheering you on. Who knows, you might end up, like me, never being unlocked again.

-Doc

Conundrums

The two weeks I spent locked down tight in the Schandemask has got me a little bewildered. Let me explain. I’m still sorting out the feelings I’m having, so I apologize if I ramble.

Those two weeks of (relative) suffering brought me back to an earlier time in my chastity adventure. Back to before werks. Back to when the cages were frequently uncomfortable. Back to when I was almost constantly aware I was locked, and I realize that I miss that. Yes, it was sometimes a bit too painful. Sitting the wrong way would send a jolt through me. But in a way, I miss that too. Perhaps it’s the masochist in me, but I miss the pain of being locked. The pain that reminds you of who and what you are. The pain you have to power through. I’m not talking about pain from wounds some of these cages caused (that’s bad pain), but the pain that puts you in your place. The pain the fucks with your mind. The pain that wakes you up at 3 am and makes you take a piss to relieve it. This was even more apparent when I was allowed back into the Anatomic cage.

The Anatomic fits like a glove. It should, it was designed for me. Multiple measurements and 3D printed models and a lot of back and forth resulted in a device that perfectly fits the contents it surrounds. It’s like slipping into well worn and perfectly broken in boots. It feels so amazing and, to be honest, except for the occasional pressurization or if I bump into something, I often forget the device is there. Also, it looks like my cock, which up until recently wasn’t an issue in my head.

Let me be clear, I love the Anatomic cage. It’s the cage I thought I would spend the rest of my days in. But something Sir M said a while back has been rooting around in my brain and is affecting my perceptions more and more. He said I don’t have a cock, I have a metal piss tube and that the flesh underneath is no longer my concern. When I look down at the Anatomic, I see a cock. A metal one, but still a cock, and that’s bothering me somewhat. Sir thinks it’s a beautiful device and has no issues that I know of with it, but his words are just worming their way into my mind more and more. It is a beautiful device, and I’m ecstatic to be able to wear it, but…

I think the reason I was drawn recently to the tightly curved Tiffany is that it is a compromise between the two. It fits very nicely, but it doesn’t look like a cock, it looks like a metal piss tube. It’s not as comfortable as the Anatomic, but it doesn’t cause pain either. It’s different. The tight curve in the tube holds the contents in a position that is not where they normally sit, unlike the Anatomic, so there is a reminder of my locked status. Besides, I love the sleekness of it. I think it’s sexy.

Ultimately, I’m fortunate to have several options from @steelwerksextreme. I realize that. Not everyone is as fortunate. And ultimately, I’m locked in what I’m told to be locked in. I suppose we could add some punishment spikes to the cage, though I find them esthetically unpleasing given the sleekness of my devices, and the schandemask hardly needs them (though that would certainly up the ante when I’m placed in it. Hmmm…, oh Chris…).

I waffle between wanting to have the most comfortable experience so that I never feel a desire to unlock and a tougher ride to test my mettle and commitment. I just don’t know how I feel right now. Is being locked and denied enough for me still, or am I desiring a more masochistic experience? Maybe it’s just nostalgia for an earlier time in my journey? I really am conflicted. It’s a conundrum.

-Doc

Disciplinary Action

I never intended to be locked in a Steelwerks Schandemask. I knew about them. I know a few people who own one, but the idea of me having one was not on my radar, not even remotely. I purposely don’t use the word own, because while I might have bought them, my cages, like my cock, don’t belong to me. However, when my bkf (best kink friend) decided to part with his, I was presented with the opportunity to obtain a pre-owned one. He gave it to me to try. The only issue was my 0 gauge PA did not fit through it. Chris (owner and artisan at Steelwerks) modified it and I spent a few days with it on in the traditional manner and decided it might be a nice addition to my collection.

If your unfamiliar, the Schandemask (not unlike the now popular Crucible) is a cage that is designed to be worn without a base ring. Essentially it has a very narrow entry and a wider head, to isolate part of the shaft and head of your cock. Anchored with a locked PA, it’s quite effective and is a nice option for when you’re wearing tight gear since your cock can move about all the while still being “locked”. In its intended form, it’s a lightweight minimalist piece of chastity gear that keeps you locked but lets you swing free. Basically, it’s a titanium helmet for your dick.

Schandemask as seen on Steelwerks website

Getting it on is a bit of a task due to the marked narrowness. I’d guess the opening is 30% narrower than my standard cages. I can’t tell you exactly as I’m currently very securely locked in it (we will get to that in a bit), but the diameter of the opening is less than that of my flaccid penis. There’s a lot of lube and a lot of squeezing, turning, and swearing involved. It’s also a little more difficult to maintain as there is almost no way to get a swab in between my flesh and the tube in my current situation. I’ve figured out a series of manipulations that allow it, but it’s nowhere as easy as the Anatomic or the curved Tiffany.

The one I’m in has a bit of a twist. It has a flange that mates with the base ring from my other werks devices and converts it into a very restrictive device. It’s actually borderline evil (in the most sadistically wonderful way). It was decided a few weeks ago that I needed to spend some time in it with the Schande locked down to the ring. After all, if I have it, it should be used, no? The experience has been quite “interesting”. I can see this being used for discipline. It’s tight and it’s short. You cannot get a hard on in it when it’s locked down to the base ring as the narrowest portion is at the bottom where it meets the ring and is basically a vice. The base of the cage squeezes tight enough to prevent the rest from getting hard for the most part (not completely, but significantly). When worn without a base ring, you get this weird 2/3 hard on where the last 1/3 of my cock is squeezed but the rest of the shaft is hard. Locked to the ring, fuggedaboutit. It’s also much shorter than my other cages (and their contents), so when it’s locked down, it’s a very small cage. After all, it’s original design is intended to cover the head and the top of the shaft. Basically, the contents are squeezed and what isn’t is pushed inside me. I can see using this device to train a sub not to get erections. Erections are uncomfortable at best.

Attached to the base ring

The genius of this device is that it’s supremely isolating. I could never get off without stimulation of the frenulum area near the head (not that I’m allowed to get off, but when I was, that’s how I work). The head of this cage is much wider than the base, leaving that part of my anatomy completely isolated. There’s no amount of pulling, pushing, vibrating, or any variation thereof that will transmit any sensation. None. Zero. Zip. The sensitive parts are virtually isolated, while the rest is constantly squeezed. I want to feel something, anything in the glans, but it prevents it. I can’t get off in any of my cages, but I can feel the content’s head at least touching the cage. Not so much here, and it’s exceedingly frustrating. I suppose that’s the point.

Schandemask is named after a medieval device used to shame and punish people who misbehaved. I think this device is appropriately named (especially when locked to the ring). If I’m in tight gear, the standard Schande is quite comfortable. However, with just that small addition of the flange it goes from minimalist “Camp Cupcake” to maximum security “SuperMax” prison. If (and when) I need to be disciplined, this is the cage for it. After all, I can be a very bad boy. 😉

-Doc

4 Years and Counting

Last week marked 4 years of being “permanently” locked. Time really does fly. My chastity adventure started (gulp) 30 years ago. I was locked on occasion and I locked several boys. I played on and off with it for a long time, until my former Sir wanted me locked and I asked Trip, to which he readily agreed. I think that marks the true start of my journey.

I knew I needed a better cage than I had at that time to make it work. I tried a few less expensive “custom” options, but they never really worked for me and “off the shelf” was a no go as well. With the help of @dualdrew. I quickly got locked in werks and haven’t looked back since. For me, it’s the only cage that allowed that dream to come true.

It’s been an interesting journey, with much gained and some things lost. In the past four years I had uncaged sex once, when Trip wanted me in him. He hasn’t wanted the flesh since then. I haven’t had a blow job since being locked (and I can’t see me ever receiving one again). I have become much more attuned to my ass as a pleasure source and love being penetrated far more than I used to. I’m also in a fairly constant state of arousal, although that has decreased with time somewhat. I’m also much more eager to provide pleasure to others than to myself, though I receive immense pleasure that way.

I used to come a lot. If I wasn’t having sex, I’d jerk. When we first locked me. I had more orgasms (caged, of course). But the denial has increased significantly over the years, and I haven’t been allowed to cum for a very long time. Having the desire without the ability is such a massive turn on that I find it far more pleasurable. And a good teasing session is something I always look forward to. I find I can orgasm on occasion from other stimulation, which amazes me. They are truly the best orgasms to have if I’m allowed to have one. Shooting in your cage from being fucked or having your balls worked feels incredible. I haven’t had an uncaged orgasm since 2018.

I’m at the point where I don’t have a cock. I have a metal piss tube. That part of my anatomy is off limits to me, and I honestly don’t even think of the fleshy bits much anymore. I only see the fleshy bits on rare occasions when the cage is removed for cleaning and I get the hair removed. Personally, I think locked men look better without pubes, and it certainly is more comfortable. It also reinforces my submissive side. Shaved pubes and a locked cock really screams “submissive” to me.

The journey will continue as far as I’m concerned. My desire for it has only increased with time, though I do admit to occasionally wishing I could just grab my cock and stroke. It feels good, but I’d feel very guilty if that were to ever happen. Trip can always use the contents if he wants, but I’m not sure I can even get hard without the cage anymore. The only time my unlocked cock gets hard is when I’m trying to put the cage back on 😉.

I’m currently the “owner” of 3 Steelwerks devices, all of which evoke different feelings when worn. I don’t generally choose which I’m locked in. I love them all, but the anatomic cage is and always will be my home. It’s fun to switch it up on occasion though. I’m currently in the schandemask which is attached to the base ring. It’s the shortest cage I have, and it’s also the tightest around the shaft. It’s larger around the head, which makes any attempt at stimulation a massive failure. It definitely feels more of a constricting device than the others.

The community of locked men has exploded over the years. At the very beginning, I didn’t know anyone else who was locked. The interwebs has changed all that. I hardly know anyone who isn’t now. It’s amazing. I always thought my fetish was niche, but it’s definitely not. I’ve also made some amazing friends and found incredible mentors. I feel truly blessed. I’m still uncomfortable talking about my sexuality. One of the reasons I write is that I can say things here I otherwise would stumble over verbally. I’ve always been this way. I’m jealous of people who are more comfortable in their own skin.

It hardly seems that I was locked away 4 years ago. I wish it had happened sooner, in fact. But it’s never too late to start. I knew it was right for me when the very first cage went on, even if that cage was uncomfortable and even mildly dangerous. Here’s to the next 4 years, and the 4 years after that.

-Doc

Size Queens

Just a random late night thought that occurred whilst scrolling through my Twitter feed, which is 90% chastity porn:

You’d think that being locked would end penis contests. After all, being locked is about denial. The penis should take a back seat. For me, it’s about giving up control, use, and ownership of said penis. I don’t have a cock, I have a metal piss tube. The contents (as Thumper likes to say) are not important anymore, and yet I see a lot of “cage envy” pics: Guys who can fill out large cages and post about it. It’s true, they’re well endowed, but that’s not the point. The point is that regardless of how big or how small it is, it doesn’t matter anymore. It’s not about the cock. It’s not being used anymore, so who cares how big it is? Your not fucking me with it, or anyone else for that matter. I think there should be an upper size limit on cages.

Any size cock can be put into a small cage. Cocks are very squishy, and many men enjoy having their cock essentially nullified. A large cage, however, is awful, especially if you can’t fill it out. They are incredibly uncomfortable (and look ridiculous IMHO). And there’s no reason why you should be in a 6+ inch cage (even if you fill it out) other than to say “I’m hung”. Smaller cages fit better, they fit in your clothes better, and they are far more comfortable, regardless of how big you used to be. So why do some locked endowed guys show off big cages? It’s high school locker room for the chaste.

I’m a little guilty of something similar, not because of the size of my cage, but because of the make. I sometimes feel a little elitist that I’m in Steelwerks, which is not a device many people can own. I even have more than one. I’ll cop to that. It just happens that it’s the only device I have ever owned (and I’ve had MANY of them) that I can wear 24/7/365. When you’re essentially permanently locked, quality, fit, and finish matter, trust me. True, they are beautiful and somewhat exclusive, but that’s not the motivation behind owning one. If I only played with chastity on and off like I did 20 years ago, it probably wouldn’t matter, and I certainly wouldn’t spend that kind of money on what would essentially be a sex toy. I didn’t get into a werks until after I was permanently locked. My cages are all somewhat smaller than my flaccid cock, so they are nice and snug. I’ve even played with smaller cages, which feel different and elicit different emotions, but in the end I don’t get much psychologically from them.

I don’t think everyone should be in a nub, by any stretch (though that’s kind of an interesting thought), and I recognize we all are built differently, but as a brotherhood of locked men, shouldn’t we move past the “look how big I am” mindset and just appreciate we are locked? I don’t want to compete with you guys. I want to cheer you on and support your journey, and I don’t want anyone to feel ashamed that they can’t fill out a jumbo cage. Like I said, that’s not important anymore. Being locked should be an equalizer.

I suppose it’s just human nature to be competitive with or envious of others. If it isn’t cage size, it would probably be something else. It’s fallacy to think that every locked man should be in the same cage. Where’s the fun in that? The innovation in cage design these past few years has been astonishing. Yet, if the IAOLM (international association of locked men) were to decide that 5 inches was the maximum allowed, I’d vote for that. I don’t have a small cock, but I can’t fill out a large cage either. I’m smack dab in the middle of the bell curve, so perhaps I am envious. I suppose I am to a certain degree. I shouldn’t be. Maybe it’s my inner saboteur making me feel inadequate. Or maybe it’s the effect of false expectations: fashion magazines only show ridiculously thin women, so normal women think they are fat. Gay porn models all have huge cocks, so normal guys feel they are small. Guys with huge cocks definitely post more dick pics on Twitter and they get a LOT of followers. I dream about those horse-dicked men fucking me, but I don’t dream about your jumbo cage. I just think we locked men need to remember it’s not about the cock, and maybe our cages should reflect that. I dunno, it’s late. I’m going to bed in my moderately sized cage.

-Doc

Tubular, Dude

I’ve got a new cage from Steelwerks. I saw it and loved it and had to have it. Funny how that works with chastity devices. I’ve got a decent collection now. I think I’ve had well over 20 devices over the years. I’ve settled into just a few, but every now and then something catches my eye or satisfies a need I discovered, and the animal brain takes over. I’ve got essentially 4 cages in the current rotation. 3 from the werks and a plastic Cobra for travel.

My original werks was a Tiffany. It was steel and fairly heavy, with a separate tube and cap (which I didn’t love as it was hard to clean without disassembly which required removing multiple tiny screws). Also, I didn’t care for the fact that you could see the fleshy parts within the steel. The nice thing about the newer Steelwerks is that they are essentially modular. Any cage will fit the base ring and therefore it’s easy to have options (easy yes, inexpensive no). I replaced that first cage (which I sold to a happy new owner) with the titanium anatomic cage that I spend most of my time in. Its amazing. It was literally made for my cock. It fits like a titanium glove. It’s supremely comfortable and confining and I love it. It looks like the dick it is locking away, which is honestly the main reason why I decided I also needed a different cage. If it was 3 inches longer, it would be a match for my former erect cock and I have no doubt I could fuck with it (carefully). Sometimes I don’t want to see the contents as a dick. There’s something about a plain tube that screams “device” and “locked” to me. I love my metal cock, but it indeed looks like a metal cock.

The new cage combines what I love about the anatomic cage (sleek, sexy, totally enclosed) with what I liked about the original werks (tubular, clearly a device) in a one piece titanium cage. It looks very much like a device and not like a cock. You can compare them here (NSFW):

The new tube
The Anatomic

As you can see, it’s tightly curved downwards and much more of a tube, which has much less of a bulge and definitely helps when wearing tight pants (a bit of an issue I discovered now that the gear is in use again. I like my breeches tight). There’s no mistaking it for a cock and no way to imagine using it to penetrate anything. It’s neither better nor worse, it’s different. It positions the flesh bits differently, and when the contents are hard, it is definitely less accommodating, which I rather enjoy. It’s more of a prison. Sometimes I just need to see and feel that my former cock is well and truly in a device, and this satisfies those needs nicely. I can’t explain why I need to see it this way at times, but I do. It’s nice to have options. I also like the the owner of my former cock has options for how he wants to not see it. To him, it doesn’t matter so much what I’m locked in, as long as I’m locked (although a belt is in my future) but my brain is part of the equation and he definitely likes what it does to me.

Between these cages, the Schandemask, and the Cobra (which is only ever used for TSA), I think the bases are covered. Chastity isn’t always one thing or one device. Needs and desires change and evolve. I’m sure I may find something else I need/want at some point but I’ll always be locked and there’s no better way to be than #lockedinwerks.

-Doc

I haven’t killed anyone, yet

Welcome to the next episode of Plague House. Yes, you guessed it, we’ve had Covid sweep in and take almost everyone down, everyone but me. They are all vaccinated and not particularly sick, but they’re all isolated in individual bedrooms and that leaves me to be chief cook and bottle washer, and I mean that literally.

I’m not a bad cook. I used to be a fairly good cook, but I’m out of practice. Trip usually does the cooking. I have to make meals that will please some finicky palates as well (my nephews are visiting and brought the plague with them). So far, it’s been mostly successful, but I’ve had a couple of failures. Tonight, for example, was a tossed salad with an olive oil/fig vinaigrette (hard to screw up), roasted Yukon Gold potatoes (which were perfect), and a meatloaf that I cooked to death (even with a meat thermometer). 2 outta 3 ain’t bad. Yesterday’s triumph was spaghetti Marco Polo, which was amazing. Before that, I horribly over salted a baked chicken dish. Julia would not be proud of me.

Thankfully everyone is on the mend, and 2 of 3 are out of quarantine. I can tell you that Omicron is highly contagious, and it’s basically a matter of time, so please protect yourself. The most recent studies show vaccinated people typically have mild symptoms, and have a robust immune response to all strains of Covid when they recover from Omicron. Those that aren’t vaccinated don’t develop broad neutralizing antibodies. Fascinating stuff, and just another reason to be vaccinated and boosted. It’s probably why I didn’t get it. I still wear a mask everywhere and mostly don’t go to crowded indoor spaces. I’m careful, for the most part. I’m probably the only one in the grocery store wearing a mask, but I’m also the only one who didn’t get Covid.

I’m pretty much ready to relinquish the chef duties around here. Trip should be out of jail by Friday. Still, I didn’t realize how many times a night he wakes me up fiddling with his pump. I’ve kind enjoyed having the bed to myself for a little bit, to be honest. The downside is he’s stuck in the downstairs bedroom that I just turned into a gym and the Tonal is in there. I haven’t been able to work out for 10 days, which kind of sucks. Coach Woody has probably noticed I’ve been missing class.

Anyway, that’s really all I have time to write, given I’m busy at work and busy being a nursemaid at home. Im ready for things to get back to normal.

-Doc

Gone But Not Forgotten

As mentioned in my last post, I no longer have a cock. I have an owned appendage encased in titanium that I use to piss with. I’m not allowed to come unless it’s from other areas of my body being stimulated , and always caged. My former cock will never be unlocked, will never be used for anything but urination, and is none of my concern. That is how the owner of it wishes it, and thus, that is how it is, and I couldn’t be happier about it. For me, this is truly a dream come true (not wanting to jinx anything).

Sir M wants me in a belt. I have zero experience in a belt. I have to admit I’ve thought about them. From the first time I saw a Carrara I wanted one. I fear it is impractical for my daily life, unlike the werks, which will always be my home. I even started the order process once but didn’t go through with it. Still, there is the fact that they are more tough, more isolating, more denying than a cage and that is something I truly long for and, ironically, find arousing (as do most chastity subs, I imagine). They are bad ass pieces of utter security. If the owner wants his chastity slave in a belt, it’s going to happen , and he definitely does. It’s not my place to question his desires, just to fulfill them. That will take some significant time, however, so it’s not something that’s happening right away.

As I’ve progressed deeper and farther in this journey, I have wanted the denial to be more strict. It is such a part of me that I don’t think of the contents (to borrow @thumpermn’s description) as anything other than that, and Sir M doesn’t even consider the contents as anything more than a piss tube. I remember my cock, even if I am to no longer consider it as such. We had some good times together, but I have, hopefully, moved past those reptilian brain needs (at least, I am trying to) and I know that the journey I am on is the correct one for me. Still, it’s a struggle some days.

For now, Sir M owns the cage and the contents, but the rest of me is still mine to do with as I please (mostly). That may change at some point, I don’t know. He has some intriguing ideas of where he wants to go, and I am happy to be on the ride. He is lucky in that he can live the lifestyle 24/7. I (as many of us) can’t because of my career. I wish it were otherwise. I admit to being a bit jealous, but I am also grateful to share in a part of it with him. I feel very blessed to have met him and to have been taken by him.

The kink that has been re-awakened in me and the re-connection to the leather/bdsm community is something I have sorely missed. I didn’t realize how much until I became a part of it again. Things somehow just settle when you reach a certain point in life, even unintentionally. I am grateful to him for opening up those avenues again. I should never have let it get so dormant, but I did. I’ve always been somewhat uncomfortable admitting the depth of my desires. Life happens. It’s no one’s fault. Sometimes other things take priority and its easy to let it fall to the background. You have to actively keep it up and encourage it. You need to put yourself out there (which has been very difficult for everyone the last few years). I’m trying. As I sit here writing this, I’m locked (of course), plugged, and booted in my 20 inch Wesco boss boots. It feels right for me. It’s how I should be. It’s how I need to be, and it’s how I’m going to try to be as often as possible. Even with Trip, after a groundswell of activity, we’ve somehow settled back into old patterns. Mostly because he is not naturally dominant and his heart isn’t really in it. He does, however, always have the last word regarding me, and he has an absolute veto over anything involving me and other people. I think he’s happy to not have to deal with those aspects of my needs.

Being locked didn’t make me a sub, but it does absolutely reinforce that mindset. I’ve always had a submissive streak. I’ve noticed the changes over the years since my former Master and Trip locked me permanently. When I watch porn, for example, my impulse is not to stroke the cock I no longer have, but to play with my hole. That’s my pleasure center. It’s my go to when I’m aroused. The cage gets tight, for sure, but that’s not where my mind goes. I still have a Dom streak, but find I only want to dominate other locked men. I have no desire to go back to the Top I once was. Even if I did, I’m not allowed to ever use the contents again for that type of activity (unless Trip ever wants to use it again). I’m still a better sadist than masochist, and I do enjoy inflicting (consensual) pain, but I enjoy it more with fellow locked men, probably because we have a common desire and start from a place of mutual understanding.

I don’t know where exactly this journey is headed, but I do know that I am all in for the ride. If I end up with an awesome experience and a new circle of kink friends, that will be more than enough. If I end up having my cage (or more) permanently owned, that will be a dream come true. Either way, I think I’m incredibly lucky.

-Doc

Just an Appendage

I was in the middle of writing a post when @thumpermn put up a tweet which, as usual, said what I was trying to say better in a couple of sentences than I was saying in a couple of paragraphs. Damn rabbit. Thumper (being away from Belle) said “I could jack off, but I don’t. I don’t have a penis. I have a device and don’t deserve to act otherwise”, which is very close to what Sir Marc said to me just the other day.

Sir Marc said “The cock attached to your body is only a organ permanently encased in metal used to piss. I never want to see it in it’s flesh form. You have jacked off for the last time. Your cock will never see the inside of a mouth or a butt again. From this day forward your orgasms are prostate-based. Unless I change my mind and that doesn’t seem very likely. You’re a chastity slave”.

He also told me that my former cock was no longer any of my concern. That struck me deep, because it’s true. When your truth is articulated, it’s powerful. When someone acknowledges and validates what you know to be true, it’s both affirming and deeply, existentially impactful.

Prior to Covid, I was in a pretty good place. I was motivated by my Sir, I was working out 3 days a week, had lost several inches on my waist and gained them in my chest, arms, and legs. I was moving forward to how I want to be physically and health wise. I was also moving forward and growing in my submission. Covid was a gut punch. I lost my Sir, I couldn’t go to the gym, I was eating poorly, and I gained weight and lost muscle. I tried to keep up with my workouts at home, but that didn’t last long. In the two years of the pandemic, I had undone the previous several years worth of hard work.

Finally, I got tired of seeing what I looked like in the mirror and feeling like a lump. I found a trainer with a private gym and he has been kicking my ass. I’m proud of myself. I’ve lost 1/2 inch on my gut, and my legs, arms, back, and chest are starting to put some muscle back. I started this before I met Sir Marc, but knowing I have someone owning my device, keeping me focused, and validating my desires has only helped me to work harder. It’s not to please him, although if it does, that’s a bonus, It’s to make me feel good about myself again. Being in a good headspace is definitely helping.

Sir Marc has said a few other things that just make chills run up my spine, but I won’t go into that. Suffice it to say, he certainly seems to have my number. Hopefully, this will continue. I’m very fond of him as a person and I’m extremely happy with how he views being my keyholder. I wish we could spend more time together, but so far, it’s an amazing start to what I hope will be a deeper journey, if he wants to take me there.

I definitely don’t have a penis, I have a metal piss tube. I do get incredibly horny, but I have an appendage for pissing, which doesn’t belong to me. I know, deep in my soul, the truth of those words, and while it’s sometimes a challenge to completely accept it, I have and will live up to his expectations. That part of my life is his to control. He’s not my Master, but he is my keyholder and the owner of whatever you wish to call the titanium tube attached to my balls. Previously, I thought alot about the cock inside the tube. Not that I wanted to use it, but it was a possibility. That made me uncomfortable. The inherent conflict was always on my mind. That has been removed, for which I am grateful.

What I would add to Thumper’s statement is that, yes we don’t deserve to act otherwise, but we do deserve to be locked. It’s a gift to embrace. It’s how we are meant to be, and having that truth acknowledged is everything. We, the locked who can move past the idea that our cocks are there and the temptation to use them, are the few, the proud, the strong subs and those who want us that way are exceptional people. I’m able to take all that sexual energy and redirect it in a positive way to help me achieve my fitness and my life goals. To paraphrase Thumper, that is infinitely better than being horny and not locked up. Fuck, I might even start running again (maybe).

-Doc

A Funny Thing Happened…

Not that long ago I was rather unceremoniously dumped, via text, by a Dom days before we were going to see each other. It wasn’t the most pleasant thing that has happened, but in a way, it has been one of the best things that has happened to me in a while.

Out of that experience and subsequent blog post, a number of amazing people have come into my life and the kink side of my life has been blossoming in new and unexpected ways. One of the perks of putting your life out there in the blogosphere is that people (a few, at least), actually read it and some even connect with it. Several people, whom I only occasionally chatted with via comments or DM’s reached out with support and care, and we connected on a much deeper level. The group of men and subs in Oregon who kind of “adopted” me are amazing. They really made me feel special again. I’ve made a brother for life with one of them. I’ve also become much closer to a number of locked boys and a few Doms, including Sir Marc, who I had a chance to meet a couple of weeks ago and with whom I clicked. Sir Marc is a locked Dom. I got to spend a couple of hours on a Saturday evening with him and my best (and oldest) kink friend, @jockdgear. Sir Marc and I texted numerous times over the ensuing weeks, and He indicated an interest in becoming my keyholder. He also invited me to a party celebrating Tom of Finland’s birthday this past Sunday.

The party was amazing. It was nice to actually put on gear (at least the gear that still fits around my pandemic paunch) and go out again. I met a number of incredible people and had a lovely time. I really have missed that, more than I thought. When Sir Marc told me he wanted my keys, I agreed. He was rather busy being the charming host, so we didn’t get much time together, unfortunately.

Kicking back at the party

I wasn’t sure exactly how this would all work, but I have to admit, He has taken this to a place I could only dream of. He’s also relatively local, which is a huge plus. Sir Marc let me choose the “dick” he will attach to his belt when he wants to fuck. He also made it very clear that I am to be locked at all times (except for maintenance, medical stuff, etc with permission) and that my last orgasm was actually my last. The irony is that hearing that made my cage incredibly tight and it has been all day. My cock is “no longer my concern” and I couldn’t be happier about it. That’s really the ultimate for a locked man, isn’t it? It’s fantasy made real. I’m so much more aware of my metal cock now than I have been for a while, and that’s all it is, a metal “cock”.

My social calendar is actually (for me) getting relatively full. I’m not a social butterfly. but many of the folks I met are local and we are planning on getting together (for lunch or something…get your minds out of the gutter). I’m reconnecting with the local leather/kink community again. That’s a part of my life I have sorely missed.

I don’t know where this is all heading, but I’m going to enjoy the ride and make the most of the opportunities that have come my way. It really is a brotherhood of sorts among gay kinksters, and I feel blessed at finding a place in it again.

-Doc