Zero Sex

Okay, the title is slightly misleading. The fact is, this post is not about sex. It’s about all sorts of things (politics, dentistry, etc) but not sex. You have been warned.

I’ve had a headache almost every day for the last two weeks, and it’s all due to my teeth. Even though I had braces as a kid, apparently my bite is mis -aligned and I am wearing my teeth abnormally. The result of that is several crowns and 2 lovely root canals. So my dentist, bless her heart, recommended I do Invisalign. It’s only 15 weeks for me, with a weekly “tray” change, and if that prevents further issues, all to the good. What they don’t tell you is that Invisalign a; makes your teeth hurt, and b; apparently can cause migraines. I’m predisposed to migraines, but I’ve had several since starting this process. This is not fun (as in Trump is an idiot type of understatement). I’m not enjoying this process. Also, you have to brush and floss every time you eat, so I’ve finally found a use for all those kits they give you at your check up, as I’ve been packing a toothbrush, floss, and toothpaste wherever I go. I also had to have several teeth filed to have enough room for them to move. It’s been a joyful two weeks, but my teeth have never been cleaner!

Speaking of the idiot, what a crazy week it’s been! We have our own version of “brown shirts” trying to burn down the reichstag. Who ever would have thought the US would have its own “radicalized terrorists” ala ISIS, and yet, here we are. Sadly, it was rather predictable. We are a fundamental racist country. There is no argument when 70 million angry white people voted for that idiot.

I, for one, can’t wait to see the orange one go, and I see some significant criminal liability in his future. I’m heartened that a significant majority of Americans rejected his racist, populist, fascist bullshit. The results in Georgia were also a tonic for my soul. There are some good people left. There are sadly many deluded, racist people around as well. I’m calling a spade a spade. They only objected to the Black vote. They tried to disenfranchise our African American brothers and sisters . Stacey Abrams is a hero.

I know you don’t read this blog for politics, and I am no expert. I am, however, very knowledgeable about SARS-Covid 19 and the federal government (Trump) had absolutely abrogated its duty. It’s criminal.

Speaking of SARS-Covid 19, I got my first vaccine this past week. I get my booster in another 3 weeks, and 2 weeks after that, I should be essentially immune. I’m lucky to be in the first group. Of course, group 1A also has the highest likelihood of exposure, and I’ve seen so many infections among friends and colleagues, and several deaths. That vaccination was a joyous moment, but I’ll be happier after my booster. 1 in 5 (or more) Californians have Covid, so some protection cannot come soon enough.

Other than that meshugas, things have been about the same. I am working fairly long days, and trying to stay safe and healthy. We have to replace the roof on the house, and my car is at the dealer where neither they nor Volvo can quite figure out what is wrong with it. Since these things come in threes, I’m just waiting for something else to go wrong…. 2021 is not starting out well.

I hope you enjoyed this joyous, uplifting post. At least, I think, things will only get better from here, but then again, who the fuck knows.

Be well.

-Doc

Resolutions

As the year from Hell draws to a close, I have decided to make several resolutions. I don’t normally do this, because I never stick to them, however, in this case, I think I might just be able to manage it.

Therefore, in 2021, I resolve to do the following:

1. Stay locked for an entire year (never mind that I’ve already been locked for more than 2 years….).

2. Work out more. Even if I work out once, it will be more than most of 2020. I think I can do this.

3. Drink less. Honestly, I can’t drink more, although I am a lightweight and I fall asleep after 2 glasses of anything alcoholic. But, 2020 has definitely upped my drinking game, albeit it still at an amateur level. This one may be a challenge.

4. Get fucked more. As in number 2, it’s not possible to get fucked less, so even once is a win. At some point after I’m vaccinated, I still have all those untaken Prep pills, so watch out world! However, as a consequence of number 2, I’m not as fuckable as I should be.

5. Write more. I’ve been up and down on the creative front, mostly because life has been, overall, boring. I hope to have more to share with all you lovely folks.

6. Lock someone. This is a biggie. I’ve really enjoyed being a KH. I want to find someone whose dick I can tease as badly as my own gets teased. I think it would be very fun for all involved. As this, like number 4, requires a willing participant, it might be a challenge. I’m soliciting volunteers. Fair warning; I’m really sadistic

I think 6 resolutions are sufficient for now. We’ll see how it goes. I wish you all a happy, healthy, prosperous 2021 as we emerge from the shit show that was 2020.

-Doc

What a Year

As it’s essentially the 1 year anniversary of my little blog, I’d like to say “what the hell” officially. Little did anyone know when I started this blog what 2020 would turn out to be. I started the New Year and the new blog with optimism. I had been pretty pleased where my life was at, and having sold my practice 5 years previously and worked for “corporate” since then (which I hated), I quit and decided to start a new practice.

That happened in February, then Covid happened. I’ve stayed quite busy, but the new plans got stuck on hold with banks all turning to PPA loans and then having 3 closing officers who actually got Covid and the process dragged out seemingly forever. Couple that with the city essentially shutting down, making permitting impossible, and, well, we are not where we thought we would be by now. I leased a space back in February planning on having everything ready to go by July. Looks like March 2021 is the opening date now. But, at least I have skills that kept me quite employable, and I got to set my own hours again.

Anyhow, besides the obvious elephant in the room causing all sorts of disruptions, some positive things happened as well. Before lock down, I did manage to have lunch with @dualdrew during his myriad travels around the world. I also reconnected with @jockdgear through Drew. It’s one of those “small world” things in that we had known each other 25 years ago but lost touch and found each other again through the chastity/kink community. I’ve connected or reconnected with a number of people I like to think are friends now.

There was also the unexpected pup, which was quite a lovely experience. While distance and Covid make it unlikely anything more will come from it, I did meet a rather nice person and a whole community of pups I didn’t even know existed. I’ll chalk that up as a win. Not sure I’m really up to all that owning a pup entails, but my Dom side got a well deserved work out.

The downside is I haven’t seen Sir since March and I’m not sure where that relationship is going. He’s got a boyfriend now that he is very into, for which I am truly happy for Him, but it will be more than a year since we have played and I feel Him drifting away. I hope He is still interested in having his part time slave, but I have a gut feeling that the relationship is ending. Another casualty of this fucking year. We shall see.

Anyway, let’s hope that things get better. I know the next few months will be truly awful and, for many, catastrophic. But, the end is in sight. I urge you all to double down on being safe until we all get vaccinated. I’m lucky to be in the earlier groups, being an essential worker (but not a front line worker). With the Cheeto heading out and the incoming administration actually having a modicum of decency, I have hope again.

I wish you all the happiest of holidays and an amazing 2021. It’s mostly uphill from here.

-Doc

Sorry I Haven’t Written

I haven’t posted in a while. Everything is fine (well, as fine as it can be given the state of the world). Things here have been hectic, but in a good way. I’ve been quite busy with work and associated things. I’ve come to truly loathe Zoom-style meetings, but have learned that you can pretty much get everything done in half the time when everyone is remote.

With the “third wave” hitting, Tripp and I have been pretty buttoned up. We’ve been getting our money’s worth from the streaming services. If you haven’t watched it, “The Queens Gambit” was absolutely fabulous. Who would have thought that chess could have you sitting on the edge of your seat! Also, Tripp finally caught up with the Maizel clan (whom, I can attest, dramatically resemble my family). I rewatched them all with him. Alex Borstein and Tony Shalhoub are standouts. We’ve also caught up on all the “Great British Bake-off” episodes we missed. I also hate a soggy bottom, FYI.

But I know you’re not here for TV recommendations. Sex wise, there’s definitely something up. Tripp has made me come more times in December than he let me come all the previous months of 2020. When I asked him why, he just told me to “enjoy it while I can” (gulp). I’m not sure what’s being planned, but if I had to guess (and guessing is all I can do), I’m thinking 2021 is going to be a very long dry spell. Just a guess though. I remain locked (834 days and counting) with no plans or desire to change that.

It’s finally leather and boot weather around here, but with nowhere to go, I’m feeling a bit down about that. I doubt they’ll be any events in 2021, but I’ll definitely be attending everything I can in 2022. I’ve got some new gear I’m dying to wear. Maybe they’ll move IML to the fall so we can all be vaccinated. If they do, I’ll be there! I’m planning on attending Folsom next fall. If you are too, say hi.

That’s about it for now. No major happenings or deep thinking right now, just taking it day by day. Stay safe and stay healthy, dear readers.

-Doc

To Fuck or Not to Fuck

I didn’t fuck the boy. I thought about it. I agonized about it. I wanted to, but in the end, I couldn’t.

The first evening, after spending quite some time with my fist in it, I was staring at a beautiful gaping hole and a boy in heat wanting more. A boy I wanted to mark. I’d already put my old Steelwerks on him. The key was right next to the bed, and yet, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

It wasn’t because I didn’t have permission, or because I didn’t want to, or because of the price I would pay. It was because, as I looked at my titanium cock, I realized once again that it was a part of me and removing it would be like removing an arm. Even as we laid together, cages touching, I felt mine was an integral part of me and it struck me deeply that it does not belong to me.

Even on those rare occasions when my cage is removed, I don’t usually take it off. Tripp usually does (and occasionally Sir). Its their cage, and it’s their cock, and I am what I am, a locked man. I need to be locked. I deserve it, and I love it. I feel utterly naked without it. If I looked down and didn’t see the metal, it would look like my cock was missing and I don’t think I would be “me” without it. It’s difficult to describe, but I just don’t see myself as having a free range cock anymore.

I don’t feel emasculated by my cage. Quite the opposite in fact. I don’t see myself as having a useless “nub”. I feel quite powerful locked. When the boy sucked me, even though I couldn’t feel his tongue on my cock, I could see my gleaming titanium dick in his mouth and feel his tongue on my balls. I could face fuck him happily. I get the submissive side of chastity play, and as a scene, it’s quite hot, but it’s not how I feel most of the time. Don’t get me wrong, I love being Sirs locked faggot slave, but that’s just a part of my sexuality. I’m far more dominant than submissive.

That’s not to say my dick didn’t get attention. It certainly did. The pup kept me hard most of the time the entire weekend and almost made me come several times. I didn’t come, but I did want it. I did want to explode all over him and cover him in my spunk. He edged me for a while, but I’m on a hair trigger as I hadn’t had an orgasm in more than a month and the pup goes from 0 to 60 in under two seconds. He’s relentless, and I could barely hold it back. I did leak all over the place though, and I came (pun intended) within a hair’s breath of a ruined orgasm more than once. Subtle is not a word I would use to describe that boy (insatiable, yes, but not subtle).

He also played in my ass, but sadly, my ass is out of shape and really tight, and was feeling less than cooperative. My ass was just not really up to the challenge for whatever reason.

I find it interesting that even when I am being dominant, I don’t necessarily want or need to unlock. Most of the locked men I know who switch unlock while topping. I didn’t and did not feel the need or desire to do that. I don’t feel I need necessarily penetrate someone to be dominant, except perhaps with a strap on. Perhaps I’m alone in thinking this, but it seems to be how I feel now. I used to see D/s sex as the Top who fucked or got sucked and the bottom who sucked or got fucked. Now, I realize it’s more a mental and emotional state. I think being locked makes the power exchange even more extreme, as it has to be much more creative and much more in the head than just a physical act. Having your boots licked is just as powerful as having your cock licked, maybe more so. Still, I don’t say I won’t ever fuck someone again, just that it’s not likely. Perhaps with Tripp there, if he removes my cage, I would be more likely to do it. I don’t know.

The long and the short of it is that, despite my not filling the pup’s guts with my loads, or in fact having an orgasm at all, I had an immensely satisfying experience with him, and I don’t feel that I missed out on anything. I don’t think the pup felt that way either, at least I hope not. Perhaps next time I will cover his face or chest or his locked cock with my semen, caged of course. I think that would be quite satisfying as well and my way of marking him with my titanium dick.

-Doc

The Pup, The Playroom, and The Freakishly Large Hands

I slept quite soundly the night I met the pup. In fact, I slept very soundly. I guess it was a sort of mini-vacation and I didn’t realize how much stress there has been lately. I did get a bit stressed when I realized I didn’t have the new Netflix password. I was deep in the Great British Baking Show and I was terribly worried that Mark’s crust might have a soggy bottom. I texted Tripp and he didn’t answer. I called him and left message after message. I was getting quite worried. Turns out my husband got a new iPhone 12 (which he conveniently neglected to tell me about) and was setting it up. My mind immediately went to him being dead in a ditch somewhere. Grrrr.

I awoke quite refreshed and following some coffee and croissants, each of us headed to the shower to get cleaned out for the day I had planned. We headed over to @jockdgear’s. He had previously agreed to let me use his play space, which was conveniently open air. We all spent some time in his lovely yard and ordered lunch, and then he took us over to his playroom, gave us the nickel tour, and left us to carry on. It wasn’t long before the pup ass was in the sling and my fist was in said ass. We got quite a nice rhythm going, and I could feel the pup reaching an anal orgasm. He got several of those from me. He spent a fair bit of time in the sling before we took a break. I tried to set up the fuck machine, but that was a challenge that didn’t go so well.

I had already invited @jockd to have a go. He joined us after doing some work. Now, one thing you need to know is that @jockd has very large, I mean really large, almost freakishly large hands (he also has size 14 feet). For a fist pig like the pup, this is heaven. I have large-ish hands, and I know how to fist an ass, but when those giant hands impaled the pup, the look on his face was priceless. Somewhere between shock, surprise, horror, and absolute pleasure. I was quite happy to sit back and watch.

Finally, it was @jockd’s turn. That man can take a lot in his ass. The pup has medium hands. With the pup’s hand in, I slid my hand in next to his and interlaced our fingers. We held hands in @jockd’s ass as the pup then slid his other hand almost all the way in. That man had 3 fists in him. We made him come from it.

Following that, some cocktails, and the obligatory @steelwerks group photo, those 2 youngsters went back and started playing with toys. I mean, I don’t think I ever had that kind of stamina.

We finally bid a fond farewell and headed back to our room to get dinner, but we were far from finished. More on that later…

-Doc

Voiding the Warranty

If you follow my Twitter, you know the pup and I got up to some antics this past weekend. To answer your immediate question, I did not fuck him, however my fist spent a significant amount of time in his boy pussy.

The pup and I hit it off online almost immediately several months ago and we’ve been planning a f2f for some time. It’s been tough with Covid, but we managed. We met and spent a weekend together.

I was dressed in full leather when he arrived. He immediately got on his knees, undid my pants, and sucked on my cage as we had discussed beforehand. Seeing my titanium dick in his mouth was incredible. He sucked my metal cock, taking it all the way in his mouth. Then, because the poor pup had been on the road for hours, I got him some food (so considerate of me….I’m a good Dad), and then locked him in my Steelwerks Tiffany. We spent a few hours getting to know each other. He got my fist for the first time (of many) that evening. Being inside him with my fist was, quite simply, amazing. I’m fairly well known for my fisting skills and seeing the bliss on his face was more than enough for me.

After, as we laid together, I put his hand on my cage. He started playing with my locked cock and balls. Then he started smacking my balls, lightly. “Harder?” He asked. I nodded. “Harder?”, I nodded again. “Harder?” He asked again. I nodded. He picked up my phone which was laying next to me and began using it as a paddle on my balls. I grabbed his collar, pulled him in, and told him I was pretty sure this wasn’t covered by my warranty. He smiled and kept beating my balls with my phone as I got more and more excited. I can’t say I didn’t thoroughly enjoy it, but damn, I just finished paying the phone off!

As we cuddled afterwards, and I dozed off, I kept thinking of what I was going to do to him the next day. He didn’t know what my plans were, and I rather liked that. Keeping him hard in his cage, we eventually fell asleep. I had dreams about him. Dreams I would make real so very, very soon….

-Doc

Deeper Reflections

I think I’ve been inhabiting the submissive side of my sexuality for so long lately that I have neglected my whole being. As I look back, I have spent the better part of my post-pubescent life as a Top, and a smaller, yet eminently satisfying, part as a bottom. I’m using Top/bottom somewhat interchangeably with Dom/sub because they overlap a great deal in my head, as I’ve never been one for vanilla. Lately, particularly since I’ve been caged, I’ve spent far more time on the bottom/sub side. Some of that was by choice (well hello, Kinky Tripp), and some by circumstance (hello Covid). But by nature, I’ve always been a switch with a stronger Dom side.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped giving myself permission to feel Dominant. The cage is a massive gateway into a submissive headspace for me, but that’s not the only reason. I have been feeling my submissive side more strongly since I’ve been locked because I’ve just been so fascinated by my reconnection with Tripp and his evolution as a Dom. I haven’t wanted to do anything to discourage him or dampen our relationship. But, that does not a bottom make, or at least not a complete bottom. Even locked, I’m still a switch (in fact, I think I’m switchier). It’s just that Tripp has now taken the Dom role in our sex life, and it’s glorious, but hasn’t left me with an outlet for my Dom side.

The guilt I have been feeling is related to that. I feel I am betraying what Tripp and I have rebuilt. But, the truth is, I’m not. Tripp doesn’t want me to be a complete sub, and he has never wanted to invalidate anything I am feeling. If Tripp says I can fuck someone else, even if he doesn’t want to be fucked, that should be enough. Sir has some say in this (my life is complicated), but Tripp is the ultimate authority on all things Doc-dick related. So, I’m giving myself permission to want to fuck a certain pup without the guilt as long as Tripp knows I’m feeling what I am feeling.

That’s the key I forgot. If Tripp knows and accepts it, then why the hell am I feeling guilty? Tripp told me that when he said I was only having caged orgasms from now on, he meant with him. Our dynamic is one where my cock will never be used again, and that’s unlikely to change. He still says he’d consider letting me fuck someone else, with permission, on occasion. That’s the kink dynamic we have developed between us, and it works for us. Because I want my cock in Tripp’s mouth or ass and he won’t let that happen, he controls, denies, and delightfully frustrates me. He makes me feel submissive in a way he never could before, but he doesn’t see me as a submissive, and neither do I. As I said before, if Tripp ever decides to unlock me to fuck him, I will fuck him without hesitation. What I wanted to give Tripp, and what he has taken from me, is ownership of my cock. Tripp gets to decide, and I want him to. He decides if I have an orgasm. He doesn’t allow masturbation. He decides what I can do with my dick.

There’s no right or wrong way, there’s just what works in a relationship and moves it forward and what doesn’t. I think I lost focus on that in my quest to be the perfect chaste man. But chastity is mainly a mental game with some metal involved, and if I am always mentally locked, it shouldn’t matter if I am physically locked. Tripp owns my cock. It’s that simple. The cage is just icing on the cake (very sexy, kinky icing). It’s a symbol, like my wedding band. As long as I am open with him, and he allows me to borrow my cock back, then I should have no reason to feel conflicted.

If Tripp decides I can unlock for a particular reason, then his ownership remains intact, because he is allowing it. I’ve not been spending every waking minute of these last two years asking to fuck boys. In fact, I haven’t asked at all, until now. I’m as much of a Dom Top as I ever was (about 75% if I had to guess), just one who doesn’t control what happens to his own cock, and that’s just fine by me. Just because there’s a cage on my dick, that doesn’t make me a submissive. I know, it’s counter-intuitive. Dominance or submission is a feeling, a head space, and that feeling can change in different circumstances. The cage just amplifies those feelings. I’ve got ample experience with that.

However, there is no doubt that I have been changed by being caged. I’ve been rewired. The feeling of my cock being encased, of the pressure that builds when I am aroused, of the inability to satisfy my desires is something I crave. My brain sees my dick as a titanium one virtually all of the time, (but apparently not 100% of the time). It feels wrong when I’m unlocked for whatever reason. The fact that in the past two years, despite numerous opportunities, I have never thought of asking to be unlocked tells me this is true. The fact that I am considering asking tells me that deep within me, despite these changes, my Dom side, in particular circumstances,still has the desire to do that most dominant thing a man can do to another man; impale and inseminate him. I just have to accept that these conflicting feelings can co-exist and there is nothing inherently wrong with having them.

Whatever I decide (okay, whatever Tripp decides), I have decided that there is no reason to feel shame or guilt over wanting it, or asking if I can have it. Tripp has never judged me. He may say no, but not out of spite, and he won’t make me feel badly. That’s just not who he is. He might decide to keep me denied, because evil Tripp likes me that way. I can see all the fun he could have. He is developing some very worrying Sir-like tendencies (seriously, one Sir is hard enough. As you know, Sir has already weighed in). But he very well may say yes. Our relationship is ours, and it doesn’t have to fit anyone else’s concepts of what it should be. I don’t know why I try to make things so black or white. There’s plenty of grey. It would be easier if he just told me to fuck the boy without my having to ask. That’s happened in the past. The sub side of me would feel more comfortable, which I admit is a bit weird when I think about it. Have I really become that submissive? I don’t think so. I think that’s just the guilt talking again, and the fact that I find Dom Tripp just really fucking sexy. I mean, order me to fuck someone…hell yeah. That’s a win-win for me. Whatever Tripp decides, I’m giving myself permission to have the desires. It’s in Tripp’s hands. I can’t think of anybody I’d rather have own my cock.

-Doc

Battle of the Brains

I find myself in a strange place. I’m actually thinking about wanting to unlock and use my cock. That was something I assumed would happen 2 years ago when I started this journey, but have thought off the table for quite some time, and it’s because I wanted it that way.

As I’ve progressed along in my life as a caged man, I’ve more and more identified as just that, caged. It’s become a part of my psychology. I don’t see myself without a titanium dick. That’s just not who I am anymore. It was a natural progression. Sir doesn’t have any use for my cock, other than to torment it, and Tripp wants me caged and doesn’t really want to be fucked anymore. I was ecstatic when Tripp finally decided that I wasn’t going to have uncaged orgasms anymore. Sir had always been that way.

Not so long ago, this would be a non-issue. I could ask to be unlocked if I wanted to use my cock with someone. I needed permission to do so, but it was never not an option. It was me who wanted it taken off the table, and Tripp who was rather wickedly happy to play along. I pushed Tripp, if I’m honest with myself, to make me permanently locked. I wanted, and still want it that way, because that’s who I am now. But recent events have me questioning how I view myself.

It’s more than my Dominant side expressing itself. I can be a caged Top. It’s more of a primal urge to spread my DNA into a boy I find incredibly desirable, and I feel conflicted. I realize that fucking him won’t alter my status. I can be unlocked for a bit and go right back into my cage. The world will not end because if it. It’s more of a questioning of how I view myself. If Tripp wants to unlock me to fuck him, he would unlock me and we’d fuck, no questions asked. It’s his cock to do with as he wishes.

That’s the heart of the conflict. It’s not my cock, and yet I am feeling a desire that I haven’t felt in quite some time. And it’s not that I just want to fuck, because that situation has presented itself before and I had no qualms about my cock staying securely in its cage. I’m also having no doubts about my desire to be caged. I’m just conflicted about how strong my desire to mark this one particular boy is. It’s got me questioning my view of myself and how I want my chastity experience to be. I can’t help comparing myself to my heros/friends, but that’s a false comparison. Everyone’s journey is their own. I’m not a complete sub like Thumper and I’m not quite so ready to freely lock and unlock as Drew. Yet, I somehow feel that the desire I feel is wrong. I guess I’m feeling guilty about wanting to inseminate the pup, but also feeling an incredible desire to do just that. Sir gave me an out, which honestly I can live with. I suppose I didn’t want the option, because now it’s on me again.

I don’t have to decide now. I’m going to let it sit with me for a while. I’m not going to see the pup for a few weeks yet. Normally, I wouldn’t even have the keys, but the cage the pup is getting put on him comes with a key that also happens to open mine. Do I consider it a loss of self control or just a natural part of my chastity experience? I wish I knew.

-Doc

The Struggle is Palpable

Readers of this blog know I identify as predominantly Dominant with a submissive side I enjoy exploring. That’s how much of my sex life has been. I’ve always been involved with, dated, or married, in Tripp’s case, a sub. Sir was the Dom in my life, and that was an almost perfect balance for me.

Once I asked Tripp to lock me, that changed. I’ve had few opportunities to express my Dom side, and I wasn’t missing it so much at the time. I was (and still am) far more enamored with the resurrection of the intimacy between my husband and myself.

I’ve never been one who went out of their way to get fucked. I far prefer being the one who fucks. There is an exception to that, which is Sir. I crave having Him inside me. I suspect that has to do with His ability to transform me into His slave. I never think about my cock with Sir. I don’t think about being hard or how tight my cage may be. I think about pleasing Him and exciting Him to the point He will fuck me, because I need Him to. Other than if He is torturing it, I don’t think about my cock at all. I think only of His cock and the ache deep inside me to have Him in me. I feel complete when His load explodes inside my guts.

For the most part, these last 2 years, I’ve settled into a fairly happy routine as a caged male. I naturally think about my lack of access to my cock, and I’ve found that erotic. I enjoy the times when my cock is trying to explode out of its cage. But I haven’t had an overwhelming desire to have it let out to play. Most of our play has been quite focused on the opposite: denying me. That’s been a comfortable, satisfying, and exciting place for me.

Recently, due to the appearance of a certain pup, my Dominant side has come roaring back to life, and my awareness of my cock has grown infinitely. For the first time in quite a while, there is somebody who I want to ram my cock into and who can and does want me to. But, I don’t own my cock anymore, and it’s not something I am allowed to do. My horniness and frustration levels are stratospheric lately. Normally, I’d describe my sexual state of mind as steady with occasional bouts of extreme desire. Now, the report is more “storm watch” with extreme horniness likely.

Initially, I was supposed to be locked and have permission to be let out to play. Tripp has even unlocked me to fuck him (once, in 2018). More recently, my lock up was made essentially permanent. The fact that I now want to fuck the brains out a certain pup is both a blessing and a curse. It reminds me that being locked was initially my choice, and it’s a choice I must live with. While not regretting my choice, I must say that I do wish the option to fuck was still on the table.

To be fair, the option is still on the table, sort of. Sir and Tripp know all about the pup and they have been enjoying both seeing my natural Dominance at play and the frustration it causes me. Because He is wickedly sadistic, Sir offered me a “bargain”. He offered to let me unlock and fuck the pup when we get together, BUT, if I choose that, I won’t be allowed another orgasm for at least 270 days. The choice is mine. If you knew Sir, you’d know this is exactly the kind of game he loves to play. Rock, meet hard place.

It’s a conundrum. My lizard brain is battling with me. I’ve gone 265 days without an orgasm (last year), and I know it’s possible. I know that once I get to a certain point, it in fact becomes easier. But I also know the first few months are torture, and I’m not sure if one fuck, no matter how good it is, is really worth it. It’s a puzzlement.

-Doc