Note: my friend @thumpermn pointed out some significant similarities to a previous post he wrote. He has been a major influence in my life, so I want to give him full credit. It was not intentional, and I came to this from a different perspective and a recent experience, but yeah, he definitely deserves full credit for shaping my thoughts.
I’ve been getting to know a Sir over the last few weeks. He has a great deal of experience as a Dom Top, but really no experience owning locked property. I looked online for some sort of “How to” manual for him to help him understand what most long term caged homosexual males need and want, and there is nothing. There is a lot of “chastity for beginners” and some more advanced information from Domme’s in a heterosexual based relationship, but for him? Bupkus. After all, he didn’t put my dick in a cage. I’m coming already assembled, so to speak. There has been no development of a chastity relationship so far. He needs some guidance. Maybe others do too. So I thought, why not put my two cents in?
First off, I do agree with @thumpermn that there is no ONE RIGHT way to do chastity. What works between two consenting adults is all you need to worry about, so you’re going to have to talk about it. And I also want to say that what I feel is not going to be exactly what other locked men feel, but I think, in general, there are some common themes. Here goes:
There is a reason we are locked. We want and need to be locked. For some, it may have started as an act of submission, or as a fetish, or as part of play, but over time, our brains have changed. We can’t see ourselves separate from the cage. That is not our cock in a tube, that is our cock, period. Don’t ask us to unlock. If you want someone without a metal dick, you need to find someone else. You might as well ask us to remove an arm.
We think about our cages ALL THE TIME. We know you don’t, but it is a huge part of our identity, and we need you to acknowledge and appreciate it. Even if its just a comment here and there about our locked status, we need to know you acknowledge the commitment we have made. An occasional grab or a remark will be very appreciated and will make us feel as though you “get us”. The more you acknowledge our locked status, the more turned on we get, just FYI. Most of us want to hear that, we really crave it, in fact. If you want to own locked property, you are going to have to pay attention to it, even if its to tell us that you don’t think about it (ironic, but it’s true). Just don’t ignore it.
Like @thumpermn said. If you hold the key, recognize it for what it is. It’s a gift from us and we see it as a sacred responsibility. Wear it around your neck, put it in a special place, put it in a safe….just don’t forget about it. Its a symbol of ownership as much as any collar, and if you treat it as nothing, it does not go over well. On the opposite hand, if you treat it like a sacred talisman, you are going to have a sub willing to do almost anything for you, because you “get” that owning a locked cock is special.
Most of us don’t want to cum, at least not in the traditional way. After enough time, it can seem like a punishment, because the most thrilling part of being caged is knowing that an orgasm is out of reach. Also, we develop far more sensitivities in other body parts and our brains are focused there. Having a penile orgasm defeats the purpose and can actually be quite upsetting. Don’t think you have to make us cum. We get our pleasure in a different way, and in fact, the lack of an orgasm and the crazy horny frustration that causes is one of the best parts of being locked. For me, sometimes I will actually orgasm from ball play or fucking, and if I have to cum, that’s how I want it to happen.
Speaking of that…there is one essential thing you need to know, and that’s edging. We want to be edged. We want to get soooo close, but not be allowed to go over the line and orgasm We want our cages tight and leaking, and we want to be kept that way for a long time. We relish that feeling. We really, really do. It’s the most erotic torture. You’ll leave us trembling and in a sleepless frenzy. Some men like to be edged with the cage off. I don’t. Again, I don’t see my cock as separate, and if I do have an actual orgasm, it has to be caged. But for some, seeing their actual flesh cock, only to have it put back in it’s cage without an orgasm is thrilling. Discuss that with your locked sub. Don’t assume we want that. If you unlock me, that throbbing caged hard on is actually going to completely go away. You can edge someone by doing whatever turns them on. But one item you should probably have on hand is a magic wand. A few seconds on the cage, and then off will make us squirm. Keep doing that….enough to tease, not enough to please, so to speak. The other thing that drives me wild is having the wand set to its lowest setting and left on my cage. Again, enough to tease….
The other thing you need to learn about is ruined orgasms. This will drive a locked sub wild as well. You drain our balls, but we don’t experience the physical sensation of an orgasm, so we have no refractory period and we don’t feel like we have cum. The feeling of semen just dribbling out without an orgasm is the stuff locked sub dreams are made out of. Interestingly, there is tons of info and video online about ruined orgasms. Just google it.
You’re going have to keep your locked sub’s prostate healthy, which means milking and massage. A leaking sub is a healthy sub (also, in my experience, a very turned on sub). You will need to spend some time, or give the sub time, to make sure his prostate stays healthy. Fingers, toys, cocks are all equally effective. Ruined orgasms do that too. We are going to leak, sometimes we leak a lot. It turns us on. If it turns you on, you’re going to have a very happy locked sub. The holy grail for locked men is a prostate/anal orgasm. It isn’t easy to accomplish, and some men never get one, but if you can give your sub one, he is going to be very, very grateful. That takes time and patience and dedication to working your subs prostate, but if you can do it, your sub will absolutely love it. In fact, you’ll have his ass in the air all the damn time.
There are times when we are going to need to unlock. We don’t want you to treat our unlocked cock as anything special. We aren’t invested in it. We wish the TSA had a caged cock line. We wish we could go to the doctor in our cages. And we wish we never had a maintenance issue, but it happens. If you want to make the unlocking and relocking process a ritual, we are going to love that. But, when it has to happen, please don’t give us a hard time about it, because we are not happy about it either.
I could go on and on, but I hope this gives those inexperienced Sirs an idea of how to own and keep a locked boy. At least, maybe a place to start.