For those not familiar with Fugu, it’s a dish made from pufferfish, which if not prepared correctly, can actually kill you. Pufferfish contain tetrodotoxin, which even in small doses is fatal. However, when prepared correctly, it’s a delicacy. But every time you eat it, you could die.
For most of my life, come was the same. I came of age (no pun intended) in the 80’s. No one knew what was safe, so we assumed nothing was safe. The mantra was “on me, not in me”. So we used gloves and condoms and semen was considered potentially deadly. Swallowing come or being bred quickly became only fantasies, and possibly lead to death for those who indulged. As much as I liked come, I feared it. I was lucky that my early sexual experiences before we knew about HIV and safe sex didn’t get me sick.
My first real boyfriend and I were incredibly safe. I do remember several times where I desperately wanted him to come in my mouth, but we never went there. We didn’t know if it was safe or not. We always fucked with condoms. My second boyfriend had HIV, so we never did anything that wouldn’t be considered absolutely safe. My third was an asshole that I actually hated, and we never had sex. I’ve had several boys over that time, but I’ve always played safe. I’ve also been Sir’s boy during those years and again, always safe, although he did come down my throat once that was known to be okay. With Tripp, we are both negative and he is the only one I fuck (well, used to) raw.
When I became Sir’s slave, things changed for us. As His property, Sir had the right to use me as He wished. I knew that when I agreed. He told me he would not use a condom with His slave. Sir never liked condoms, He used them because He is responsible, but He hates them. He gave me the choice. We could continue as we had, but if I wanted to be His slave, I would be bred. I wanted it. I wanted his DNA in me, something I would previously have never considered or consented to. We had both tested negative and kept to a small, closed group. I trusted him. Tripp said as long as Sir was negative, it was fine with him. He thought Sir was already fucking me. Sir and I were both negative over the many years of our relationship, so I wasn’t concerned. It was still Fugu, but it was pretty safe Fugu. The first time Sir fucked me raw, he claimed ownership. As He lifted my legs, He told me it was time and pushed His unwrapped cock into me. He fucked me with an abandon I hadn’t seen before. When He exploded into me, I cried with joy. It was the first latex free fuck I’d had in almost 25 years, and let me tell you, there is a difference. I earned my collar that night. When he flooded my guts, He told me He owned me. He had marked me. I was His. The first time anyone had come inside me since I was 20 years old was powerful. The slave was born that night. I also earned a cage whenever we were together (bonus points) and sometimes when we weren’t.
I loved it. The thing I had feared for so long became the thing I desired. I wanted His come in me, and I was disappointed when He didn’t fill my throat or my cunt with His jizz, so I always worked hard for it. I crave it. He’s made me want to be a cum-dump and a cock whore. Things began to change rapidly in the last few years with the advent of Prep and the knowledge that HIV positive but undetectable people cannot transmit the disease. As soon as PreP became available, I knew I wanted to go on it. I wanted that freedom. I had options now that I hadn’t had previously. Sadly, I think at my age most of my glory days (and glory hole days) are behind me.
I have certainly come in Tripp more times than I can remember, but he hasn’t come in me. He can’t, which is unfortunate, because I want him to. I like toys, but nothing can take the place of a real live cock in me. I have little doubt Tripp would be fucking me frequently if he could. As Sir and I are separated due to Covid, I have been distinctly come deprived. Just like in the old days, I’ve been sorely tempted to break quarantine and do something unsafe, but just as in the old days, I don’t.
Since I’m already on PreP and have been horny as fuck lately, my mind has wandered to those fantasies of my youth. I think about being fucked over and over until come is dripping out of me. I think about being whored out. I see condomless porn and I realize how attractive that is to me. Being locked for the better part of two years has certainly fed into that. I was really looking forward to IML, Dore Alley, and Folsom this year. I want the Fugu and now that I know it is safe, I want it often, but just like the last plague, it’s once again not safe to get it. Just as my dreams were being realized, another disease has reared its ugly head. Once again, having sex with someone can kill you. Actually, it’s worse, because just being near someone can kill you. Seems like we’ve come a full, depressing circle. Even though it seems like the end of the world, it’s not. I’ve survived plague before. What’s another few (hopefully) months?? Once there is a vaccine, I would very much like to play out some of those fantasies. I’ve got a lot of ground to make up. Any volunteers?
-Doc
The Locked Doc 