The saga with @SouthernSwitch1 (aka Alpha) continues. He’s actually extremely good at bringing my slave tendencies to the forefront. I don’t think this is anything permanent (though one never knows what life will throw at you). It’s more like he’s helping keep the currently idled slave in working order. I’m like those A380’s put in the desert; currently mothballed but awaiting a return to service. They need their systems maintained and their engines run every so often to keep them flight-worthy. Same with me; he’s keeping my engines lubricated and my systems maintained, and he’s doing a damn fine job of it.
In some ways, he’s acting as much like my Master as Sir was, except in name. He’s certainly wonderfully controlling, and he has gradually assumed more control of me than I ever originally thought. Yes, he plugs me, but he also picks my underwear, puts me in stretchers, and he’s putting me in gear more and more. Last night he even ordered me collared. I mean, damn. He’s good. He’s very, very good. He makes me feel sexy, submissive, and every bit the slave I am. The only thing missing, to be honest, is a cock to worship and boots to kneel at, and if his were at hand, I’d be on my knees in a red hot minute.
I have spent a lot of of time lately thinking about these feelings and what I am. I have always thought of myself as a mostly Dom switch. But, having lost the use of my cock for almost 3 years (and I don’t see getting it back anytime soon), and having experienced being owned by Sir and now being controlled by Alpha, it’s pretty obvious to me that this is what I am meant to be. Oh, I still enjoy being a Top (at least a caged one, but that’s another post), but I am more and more coming to terms with my need to be owned. I can’t deny it anymore (not that I denied it before, I just didn’t believe it was as strong a desire as it is).
It is a powerful force calling to me. The freedom in total subservience is real (ironic, but true). To respect another man enough to obey his commands solely to please him is a pleasure all in itself. True, I’m getting a great deal of pleasure from the things he has me do, but they do get uncomfortable and occasionally quite challenging. I still do them, because that is part and parcel of being a slave, and it brings me joy to do that for him (which I have no doubt he is aware of).
I hope Alpha and his Master know how much I appreciate what he is doing for (and to) me. I hope to get a chance to show him in person just how much I appreciate it. I’m sure we will see each other eventually. I’d happily get on a flight just to spend an afternoon with them (and no, sex would not be expected or required, I just want to hug him and see Drew again, though I wouldn’t say no if they wanted….). I mean I am actually old enough to be his father (if I knocked someone up when I was a teenager, but still). It’s just that I feel a very strong emotional connection with him, not necessarily a physical one. Besides, he’s way cuter than I am (to be fair, I used to be really cute, but that was many years ago).
Knowing that I need a Master, I’ve started cautiously looking again. I’m not out on the apps hunting, but I’m open to it again. Maybe in a few more months things will start to happen again. I’m just going to leave it up to the universe at this point. I’ve always had luck in having the right man show up at the right time, with one glaring exception.
As for the Dom side, which is currently not needing attention, he’s still there and will always be, but he is clearly less important than I thought. My greatest satisfaction comes from feeding my submissive nature. The pendulum may swing again, but I’m not worrying about it. I’m enjoying being a KH and a Dad to a certain boy very much. It’s all about balance, I suppose.
So here we are, with yours truly idling on the taxiway and just itching to get airborne again. I mean, us A380‘s may be expensive and inefficient, but we are a hell of a nice ride.