Ebb and Flow

My kink seems to be back on the rise again. Over the last few years, it’s been a series of incredible highs and really depressing lows in my desires. It’s totally understandable with what we’ve all experienced, but I seem to be on an upswing again after basically losing my desires for several months.

I’m kinda jealous of many of my kink friends who seem to have maintained a fairly steady state of horniness. I haven’t. There are numerous reasons, including stress, family issues, work, and a few more things I won’t go into, but after having an incredible bout of kink/horniness/desire this past summer, I just lost interest in anything kink related (or even sex related).

I’m happy to report that my mood seems to have shifted back to wanting and needing kink in my life, although there doesn’t seem to be many opportunities at the moment. I can’t really explain the ebb and flow. It just happens. I never used to be this way. I was generally always up for fun (and ffun, and whatever else you can think of). I don’t think it’s depression, I think it’s just life in the time of Covid. Stress just kills my desires (and my ability to sleep through the night), and it’s a fairly high stress time right now. Still, there seems to be some light here…I’m desiring it again.

The reason I haven’t blogged a lot lately is that there really isn’t anything sexual to blog about. I have some good recipes, but you don’t come here for that (but DM me if you want to know how to make Spam fries).

I try to take inspiration from my friends and my kink heroes, but I just seem to swing from strong desire to absolutely no interest. I wish I understood why. I hope to have some great tales to tell you all in the near future, because that would be fun for both you and me, but I don’t have much at the moment. I’ve also had some significant disappointments in the Master search, which is ultimately disheartening. I think I just really need that Master/slave energy, and I’m not finding it. Trip hasn’t been doing all that well, and getting kinky is rather hard with relatives living with you. I’m a screamer, particularly when it’s really good (lol).

I’m pretty sure the lack of exercise has had a major impact. I’m always horny after a workout, and looking good and feeling good helps. I’ve gotten lazy, and I’ve somehow replaced 20 pounds of muscle with 30 pounds of fat. That’s fixable and I know what I need to do. I’m just not going to the gym anytime soon and my at home workouts have just fallen by the wayside because it’s easy to get in a rut. I don’t have any excuse except laziness and tiredness. I promised myself I will get back into shape over the next few months. I put a lot of work into getting my body fat down and building muscle, and I’m back to square one. Honestly, going to kink events always helped motivate me to keep fit, and there just aren’t any and I’m not going anywhere with large groups of strangers for a while yet. Maybe next year? We can hope.

Anyway, at least my libido seems to be increasing again, and hopefully I will connect with that Master/Top/Dom I need in my life. I’m hopeful, at least.

Be well and stay safe


Published by Locked Doc

Middle aged switch reclaiming his kink and exploring Bdsm with both his husband and his Master. Always locked.

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