Faggot

I know my moods swing like crazy, and my desires have serious highs and lows. Right now, I’m definitely in a high kink mode, and I think it’s mainly because I’m finally embracing my inner nature, that of a faggot. Its been an almost 3.5 year journey from Dom Top to get to this point, with twists and turns, much confusion about my feelings and desires, not a small degree of frustration, and an occasional detour, but here I am.

For me, “faggot” and “queer” have been words that are triggering. I was teased mercilessly and bullied throughout middle school with those terms. I hated them. But I see them now, after being taught quite a bit by the younger folks on Twitter, that they are terms of empowerment. While I don’t identify with “queer”, I am strongly attracted the the idea that I am, at my most kinky and submissive, a faggot.

I’m not sure I 100% feel the above definition is quite what I mean, but it’s close. And I don’t mean I want that publicly, but as a main part of any Kink relationship, abso-fucking-lutely.

While my Dom tendencies seem to be in deep hibernation, and my sub/slave desires are in overdrive, I’m embracing the word and the concept. I’m a locked faggot, and I’m proud to be one. If you follow my Twitter feed, you might have noticed it. I’ve been really helped along this journey by a few great guys I follow on Twitter, and I want to give a shout out to boy Jonathan @tattzaddy whose complete comfort with being a fag I truly admire. I’ve never met him, but he’s an inspiration. So, thank you boyJ.

It’s taken me quite some time to admit this to myself, and to accept it. I had the same problem admitting I had sub desires, then slave desires, and the I wasn’t actually satisfied being Dom, even if I was good at it.

Knowing myself as I do. I know this could just be a “phase”, but I don’t think so. It seems more of inevitable progression from where I started to where I was going. The loss of my previous Master/slave relationship made me realize just how important that is to me, and how incomplete I feel without it, and the things I need emotionally as a slave is basically what is described by “faggot”, so yeah, I’m owning it.

-Doc. #lockedfag