Blah, blah, blah

I haven’t written much, mainly because I don’t have much to write about. I’ve just been feeling blah lately. I don’t feel sad, or depressed at all. I fact, I’m pretty happy overall. I have been extremely busy work wise, which may explain a lot of it, but otherwise I just seem to be in some weird zone of not feeling particularly much about anything.

I’m not interested in the porn I usually like. I’m not particularly horny. I’m not even thinking about sex lately, and I don’t know why. It seems to have been going on since CLAW in November. I had a fantastic time there. I didn’t go there looking for the sexual aspect. I went there looking for the social, and found it in abundance, which was fantastic, because I am actually extremely introverted. I have a hard time doing people. It’s exhausting, but I really did enjoy myself. Since then though, I’ve just have never seemed to recover. I don’t want to people. It’s like my batteries were drained and have yet to recharge.

I’m also feeling blah about chastity. I’m still locked, but (at the moment), it’s not really doing anything for me and I have no idea why. Maybe it’s because I’ve been feeling a bit like I’m on my own here right now. Oh, Trip’s fine and we’re fine, but he’s been less interested over time. It has been over 4 years after all. I don’t think he finds it all that exciting anymore. Being locked is more fun when you have a very invested KH, and maybe we’re just a bit too much on autopilot right now. Or maybe it’s just me. I don’t honestly know.

I’m sure things will change, eventually. I’ve just been so tired lately and I am not exactly a spring chicken (but I ain’t dead yet either). I’ve been feeling lazy. I haven’t been consistent with working out either. I had been being very consistent and been really pleased with the changes I’ve been seeing, but since we got back from the cruise, I’ve barely done anything.

I’ve got my annual physical coming up soon. I’m going to have to see if there is a physical reason for the blah, because there really isn’t an psychological one, other than 2022 being an incredibly stressful year, for a number of reasons I’m not going to discuss here.

In the meantime, please don’t be concerned. I’m fine. It’s just, for the first time in my life, I’m feeling maybe a bit asexual. It’s weird. There’s certainly a bit of chaos in my life right now and I am definitely a person who thrives on order. I don’t like juggling balls, and I’m juggling 17 of them at the moment. I feel a bit like I’m in purgatory, waiting on so many things that need to happen so I can stop juggling, and those things are not progressing satisfactorily (basically through waiting on others to do their part). It’s extremely frustrating to me. Yet wait I must. I know things will eventually be sorted, but I hate the chaos. Seriously, the sign on my desk says “drama free zone”. I’ll plod along until I get mojo back. I hope it happens soon.