Do Over

I’d like a do over. Recently, after 105 days without an orgasm, Tripp made me come. My balls were coated, my thighs were dripping, and I soaked through two layers of sheets with my come. It felt good, but it didn’t feel like “105 days without an orgasm” good, because for the majority of those days, an orgasm was the last thing on my mind.

I have had an occasional bout of depression in the past. It runs in my family, but I didn’t realize how severe of a depression I had fallen into. Depression saps you. It makes the world look grey. It literally hurts; it hurts to move, it hurts to breath, it hurts to do anything. In the past, I’ve been a high functioning depressive, meaning I was able to go about most normal activities, albeit without much joy. I could put on my game face and get things done. These bouts were always pretty short. This one was way different. I couldn’t get out of bed, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t be bothered to shower or shave, I couldn’t function unless I forced myself to. I stayed locked but I let the pubes go wild. I just didn’t care about them anymore. I thought it was mainly stress, which probably was the trigger. After all it is an extremely stressful time. It got bad enough to where I was starting to think the world would be a better place without me in it.

That was a wake up call because I know the signs of depression and even though I had been making excuses for it and stress was playing a huge role, thoughts of suicide, even fleeting ones, are not something I could ignore. I got on the phone with my GP. I started on antidepressants. He warned me about side effects, including sexual ones, which was amusing as I couldn’t get a boner if I tried at that point.

After a couple of weeks, my brain chemistry started to reset and I started to feel more normal again. I started sleeping better. I was showering again. I looked down at the bush my pubes had become and took care of that. I also started to get that tingle in my dingle again. My morning wood returned as did my desires, albeit slowly. In the last few weeks, things have been pretty normal, or what passes for normal in our current situation. The stress is still there, but I’m handling it better. I started writing again, I started looking at Twitter and FB again. Gear is making me excited again. I’d say I’m about 80% of the way there now. I’m also having bouts of extreme horniness again.

Finally shaved again

I feel as if the last 2 weeks have been the only amount of time I’ve been denied, since desire and denial go hand in hand. Therefore, while technically this has been the second longest period I have gone without an orgasm, it doesn’t feel that way. I’m down for going 100 days (or longer) cum-free, I just want to know it while it happens . So I’m asking for a do-over.

Published by Locked Doc

Middle aged switch reclaiming his kink and exploring Bdsm with both his husband and his Master. Always locked.

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