I’m having a conundrum: I haven’t been allowed an orgasm for 82 days. My first opportunity is in 2 weeks (it’s my birthday). The other night, while I was particularly horny (as in begging), Tripp gave me a choice. I can come in 2 weeks and then have no chance of an orgasm for 5 months, or I can wait 2 more months and then get a second orgasm within the next 3 months. I’ll still get two orgasms in the next 6 months or so, but I either wait at the front end or the back. Just because I tell him which one, doesn’t mean that’s what’s going to happen. Like the Sorting Hat, Tripp takes my input into consideration, but it doesn’t mean I’ll get Gryffindor. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Tripp seems to be enjoying my dilemma.
This got me thinking about how the hell I got here. When I first wanted to be locked, it wasn’t about orgasm denial, it was about no longer masturbating. I still wanted orgasms, I just wanted them from sex. I realized at the time I wouldn’t be having the daily orgasms I was giving myself, but I figured I would be having several a week. I didn’t want to be denied, I just wanted them to be controlled. That’s how things went for a while, until Tripp discovered he enjoyed not letting me come as much, if not more, than letting me.
That’s the irony of my being locked. The idea was to have more orgasms with my husband instead of myself. Somehow, it’s now about me not having orgasms at all. I probably shouldn’t keep track of how long I’m denied anymore. The rational part of my brain says I should just accept that I may not come, and be pleasantly surprised if I do. The other part of my brain is somewhat obsessed with how long I go between orgasms and just dwells on it, and Tripp likes to feed that part of my brain. He has grown to like denying me.
Part of Tripp’s game with me is to tease me about my lack of orgasms. He likes getting me hot and bothered and wanting to come and just leaving me there. He likes telling me that I’m not going to come, and I like (love) that he wants to control my cock to such a huge degree. He gets this magical look in his eyes as he whispers that I’m not going to come this day/week/month. I got way more than I asked for when I asked him to lock me, but I am not complaining. I wanted to have an active erotic relationship with my husband, and that is what I got, in spades.
I also discovered that denial is a kink of mine I never knew about. I think it’s more that I like that Tripp likes it, but I cannot deny that I find the idea that my orgasms are so few to be quite exciting. I love being made so frustrated about not being allowed to come that I’m left whimpering and humping the air. It does rather tick a number of kink boxes for me.
I wonder if orgasms are really that important. The connection between Tripp and me that has developed by my state of denial is far more important. I suppose if I didn’t care about having an orgasm, it wouldn’t be so exciting that I don’t, so in that aspect, they are quite important. Orgasm denial is now a major part of our relationship, something neither of us ever thought about before. In fact, he used to find it difficult denying me. He thought I got too needy. Now, he appreciates that.
This journey we’re on has certainly taken some twists and turns and has us in a far different place than what I expected. Still, so far it’s been an incredible ride. Whether I come or not, the journey has proved to be far more interesting than the destination.