Battle of the Brains

I find myself in a strange place. I’m actually thinking about wanting to unlock and use my cock. That was something I assumed would happen 2 years ago when I started this journey, but have thought off the table for quite some time, and it’s because I wanted it that way.

As I’ve progressed along in my life as a caged man, I’ve more and more identified as just that, caged. It’s become a part of my psychology. I don’t see myself without a titanium dick. That’s just not who I am anymore. It was a natural progression. Sir doesn’t have any use for my cock, other than to torment it, and Tripp wants me caged and doesn’t really want to be fucked anymore. I was ecstatic when Tripp finally decided that I wasn’t going to have uncaged orgasms anymore. Sir had always been that way.

Not so long ago, this would be a non-issue. I could ask to be unlocked if I wanted to use my cock with someone. I needed permission to do so, but it was never not an option. It was me who wanted it taken off the table, and Tripp who was rather wickedly happy to play along. I pushed Tripp, if I’m honest with myself, to make me permanently locked. I wanted, and still want it that way, because that’s who I am now. But recent events have me questioning how I view myself.

It’s more than my Dominant side expressing itself. I can be a caged Top. It’s more of a primal urge to spread my DNA into a boy I find incredibly desirable, and I feel conflicted. I realize that fucking him won’t alter my status. I can be unlocked for a bit and go right back into my cage. The world will not end because if it. It’s more of a questioning of how I view myself. If Tripp wants to unlock me to fuck him, he would unlock me and we’d fuck, no questions asked. It’s his cock to do with as he wishes.

That’s the heart of the conflict. It’s not my cock, and yet I am feeling a desire that I haven’t felt in quite some time. And it’s not that I just want to fuck, because that situation has presented itself before and I had no qualms about my cock staying securely in its cage. I’m also having no doubts about my desire to be caged. I’m just conflicted about how strong my desire to mark this one particular boy is. It’s got me questioning my view of myself and how I want my chastity experience to be. I can’t help comparing myself to my heros/friends, but that’s a false comparison. Everyone’s journey is their own. I’m not a complete sub like Thumper and I’m not quite so ready to freely lock and unlock as Drew. Yet, I somehow feel that the desire I feel is wrong. I guess I’m feeling guilty about wanting to inseminate the pup, but also feeling an incredible desire to do just that. Sir gave me an out, which honestly I can live with. I suppose I didn’t want the option, because now it’s on me again.

I don’t have to decide now. I’m going to let it sit with me for a while. I’m not going to see the pup for a few weeks yet. Normally, I wouldn’t even have the keys, but the cage the pup is getting put on him comes with a key that also happens to open mine. Do I consider it a loss of self control or just a natural part of my chastity experience? I wish I knew.

-Doc

Published by Locked Doc

Middle aged switch reclaiming his kink and exploring Bdsm with both his husband and his Master. Always locked.

4 thoughts on “Battle of the Brains

  1. I love your writing and have for some time now. Though I have to say, I feel like the odd man out in the chastity world. I’m a Dom who has tried the KH thing. I’ve had two so far and each time it just, for me, feels forced. Broken circuit. Which is odd. I mean, according to the dialogs, I should want to give up control of my dick, but I don’t. I can be submissive situationally, but it’s not how I identify. I just laid this out for my most recent KH that I am taking my junk back and will continue to be the sole owner and operator of the log between my legs.

    That said, I love wearing a cage day in and day out, week after week, month after month. It’s changed my relationship, in some ways to my dick, and reacquainted me with so many other ways to get off and enjoy my body. I also find, that the longer I’m locked, the more powerful my Dom side gets. I must be a freak of nature here to want to put myself through not cumming penetratively for long periods or suffering those damn nightly attempted erection cycles. But I do. I enjoy everything about this stuff. So I can relate to what you wrote about those times when thinking about the appropriate time to unlock and take pleasure in being a man with a cock. But that’s just it, to me, the cage is a refiner, not a nullifier. It makes me aware that I own my cock but that it does not own me, or define my male-ness.

    Maybe it’s who I am as a heavily tattooed, bearded, motorcycle trash, heart attack survivor, and general ruffian kind of a guy. One nervous breakdown in my rearview mirror from the isolation-shock of earlier this year. Creating a new relationship with my manhood. So, perhaps, that’s where my overlap is with the chastity community after all. All of us are brave enough to pause, refine our self-perceptions, and of course, relationship with our junk.

    Thanks again for posting this. I hope your pup enjoys himself, and you him. Keep up the writing. I find it damn inspirational, even if I’m on a different wavelength. I still feel like I’m in an ancillary frequency. That gives me enough of a sense of belonging I suppose, from one caged man to another. I guess none of us are traditional after all and everyone is amazingly unique.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I find everyone’s journey to be unique to themselves. There’s no right or wrong way to experience chastity. I can relate to your feelings as they mirror many of my own. Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment back!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I think you should get Chris to develop a unique key for you but think about the design your self to take the pressure of him and then you know it was all down to you to decide to have it made that way. Hope the comment helps.

    Like

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