I met a man. No, that’s not quite true. I met a man I want to serve and to give my cock and my key to. I think I found my Sir. After weeks of talking and texting, we spent time together, and since then we’ve talked every day. He’s in my head and in my heart, and somehow I know He is the one, and it seems like an eternity, and also a blink of an eye.
I know I can get swept away when I meet a powerful man that makes me swoon. It happened before, and just as I thought things were moving forward, that man totally ghosted me. Funny enough, he texted me the other day. He wants to see me again and he had a sad story of why he failed to answer a single text I sent him. I haven’t heard a thing from him in 7 months. Problem for him is I know people. I know he was at MAL having a good old time. So while he says he was dealing with some heavy emotional baggage (and perhaps he was), I also know he was paddling boys at a leather event. And while I admit he’s attractive, I’m not one to have my emotions manipulated. Fool me once…. At least I wasn’t that invested and I am old enough to not wallow in self pity if someone hurts my heart. Also, once you get old enough, heartbreak isn’t that devastating. That’s for first loves. I think I cried for months when the first man I ever truly loved broke up with me. I don’t do that anymore. Age and experience has its benefits.
The urge to serve, to be owned, to be submissive to a man is strong in me. Maybe too strong for my own good. My first Master and I had a 20 year D/s relationship before we moved into a Master/slave dynamic. I realize how much I miss and need that, and sometimes I make stupid decisions because of that need. To be fair to myself, the last time didn’t seem stupid at the time. It was the man that let me down. He chose to lead me on and then ignore me. I can understand going through tough times, but just say that, for Christ’s sake, and don’t say it 7 months later. But I am fairly sure that is not the case this time. Sir is different. He’s everything I want and need in a Dominant and He wants me. He checks in with me every day. We talk, a lot. He’s moving slowly and deliberately, but He knows He’s already got me. He reassures me constantly of His desire for me. We met under less than ideal circumstances and He doesn’t care. He feels a bond with me, and I feel it with him. Yes, I know I’m smitten. I’m more than smitten. And yes, I know we live too far apart to see each other often enough, and I know that’s a problem. But I feel what I feel, and he is a rare gem.
I fear the lack of time we can spend together will hurt the relationship. I can hear the need in his voice and feel the pain that I’m not there to take care of him. Other people make it work. I am hopeful we can make it work too. We’re not so far apart that we can’t see each other regularly, but I’m not just a short car ride away. And also, I’m married. He knows this. I have a husband who has different needs. But my husband also knows I need this, and he encourages it. It’s something, try as he might, that he can’t provide. We’ve never been monogamous, and he was fine with my previous Sir. In fact, they were all together too friendly if you ask me. But Trip is a part of this, and he needs to be on board, and eventually they are going to have to meet. I’m not worried about that. As long as I am open with Trip, he has never had an issue with my having a Sir or a Master. He knows he can’t do that. But he also needs to know that he is still number one, and he needs to know what I am doing. To be honest, my biggest concern with Trip is that he doesn’t like seeing me in another man’s collar when I’m home with him, and I want to be in Sir’s collar. I’m not sure how to make that work. It’s going to be a discussion. At least, Sir is okay with a more symbolic collar than an actual chain and padlock. Thing is, I want the padlock. But compromise is the key to success. I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. I can wear something else that symbolizes a collar in Sir’s absence. I won’t take it off, but if it’s not locked on, Trip won’t mind. Maybe he’ll let me have the actual collar someday. He did with my former Sir, but he wasn’t happy about it for the most part.
I’m going to try to let go and let Sir lead and just go with the flow. I feel the universe has brought us together for a reason. We seem to fill something missing in each other. But I’m also going to try to maintain perspective and realize that things will be as they should be and as they can be, and to always be aware that there are 3 people in this relationship that all need to be happy.