I’m the submissive partner (sexually) in our relationship, as readers are probably aware. I haven’t always been and my submissive role in my marriage is new(ish) and happened out of a need to recreate our marriage. However, I didn’t go from Dom to sub overnight. You can’t change who you are on a whim. I’ve always been a switch, but never in the same relationship, which I find interesting.
I’ve always thought of myself as being one or the other in any relationship, never both. I’ve been the dominant partner or the sub/slave, but separately. I’ve never been able to get into the correct headspace quickly. It’s easier going in as one or the other, but to inhabit both sides in a single relationship is challenging. My recon profile says 70/30 D/s and I think that’s about right. I’ll Top 7/10 guys I meet (when I wasn’t locked and could Top).
I’ve had to compartmentalization my head with Tripp, because while I am his sexual submissive, I am not the submissive partner in our marriage. It’s hard to describe, but I haven’t magically become his slave even though he has locked my dick and owns my ass. I’m still predominantly the decision maker and Tripp naturally defers to me in a lot of things. Ours is a marriage of equals, but we each have strengths and weaknesses and decisiveness is definitely his weakness. He second and third guesses everything. He gets paralyzed by fear of making a wrong decision. I’m more of the philosophy that while the choice may have been mistaken, the choosing was not (bonus points if you get that reference).
I find that my submissiveness is almost directly related to my horniness, as Tripp controls my sexual behavior. The more I want him, the more willing I am to submit to him, and I want him a lot. The longer he makes me wait, the more subby I feel, and he knows it. The more often he plugs and collars me, the more that feeling grows. I like it when he gets me to the point where I am on my knees begging him to do things to me or to let me do things to him and I think he likes getting me there. I’m not one to kneel easily. You have to make me want to kneel. You have to take me and demand my submission. I respond to power on a visceral level. Some men exude that kind of power, some don’t. Tripp doesn’t naturally exude power, but he has it as I have willfully given it to him and I love when he takes it. For us, me being locked is my entrance into subspace. It’s how I can switch my head space quickly with Tripp. If he grabs my cage, I can see myself becoming his locked boy or his sub/slave without being that all the time. This is rather new territory for me and, it seems, for many guys I talk to who don’t understand how I can be locked and plugged and collared and not consider myself a full time slave. I am a full time slave for Sir, and that feels very different to me.
In the end, it’s about how you feel and how you make your relationships work. I’m getting more comfortable as Tripp’s sub, and I have always been comfortable as Sir’s slave, but it’s easier with Sir because that is all I am. I’m not His boyfriend or companion or lover, I’m His property. Its harder to negotiate the landscape with Tripp because I am many things to him, and he to me. I can say I haven’t been this giddy since we were first married, so whatever I am, it seems to be working.