That Empty Feeling

What I really miss most is that morning text instructing me what size plug I was to carry that day. Sir had me plugged 5 days a week, and each morning He would sent a cryptic little text indicating His preference. Usually it was “XL” or “XXL”, and every so often, the dreaded “XXXL”. If there was no text, I didn’t carry that day.

I dutifully inserted whichever plug was instructed, but I have to admit I dreaded the XXXL, just because it takes some work to get it in and I can’t pee without removing it, which meant avoiding too much coffee and packing lube. I did love the weight of it, but what I really loved was that I was doing it for Sir; That I was suffering for Him. Didn’t matter what else I had to do, if I got the text, I plugged. I worked out plugged, went on my errands or to work plugged, even went to Disneyland plugged. I just stayed plugged until I went to bed, and occasionally slept plugged as well.

Left to my own devices, I’d probably hardly ever (i.e. never) choose that XXXL monster for daily wear, yet I carried it at least once a week all day long. The pleasure I got from it was equal parts “stimulation and weight” and the knowing that I was plugged because He wanted me plugged. I felt that way about having clamps on my nips as well, they were challenging but I was proud of myself for doing it for Him when he told me to.

I’ve considered asking Tripp to take over plug duties, but honestly, he can’t make up his mind about simple stuff and I seriously doubt he’d ever choose the big boy, because he’s just so nice. I suppose I can just leave it up to random chance and throw dice or spin a “wheel of plugs”, but that doesn’t scratch the itch of being told to plug yourself. Still, Tripp has shown significant sadistic tendencies regarding not allowing me orgasms, so maybe…

Recently, if I do carry a plug, I’ve been just generally carrying the old, reliable, easy XL. It’s not much of a challenge, but it’s a comfortable feeling nonetheless. I stopped for a while after my colonoscopy, because it just takes a while for things to get predictable again, and it’s amazing how tight my ass gets when left undisturbed for a while. You’d think it would just bounce right back, but no. The rest of me might be sagging, but my pussy is as tight as the bark on a tree.

I’m hoping that whatever Dom stumbles into my life will want to plug his boy and will enjoy owning my ass. I’m also hoping he will want to make use of the other options that come with ass ownership. There’s hardly a better feeling for me than having a Sir unload inside me. Sir was, for many years, the only man to do that. I miss that almost as much as the plugging. Being collared, caged, plugged, and used pretty much ticks all my submissive boxes.

Whether I meet someone whose desires to dominate match my desires to submit is something I can’t know. I’m sure there’s someone out there that can fit into that niche and for whom I can fill an empty spot in their life as well. It’s just tough given everything else going on in my life. I don’t have 100% to devote to them all of the time, but I’ll give 100% when I’m with them, or at least I’ll damn well try. Something to aspire to, at any rate.

Ah well, it’s getting late here. Until next time, stay well and stay safe


Published by Locked Doc

Middle aged switch reclaiming his kink and exploring Bdsm with both his husband and his Master. Always locked.

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